Reading · ClearLife with Cecily Mak

I publish bi-weekly about shifting our relationship with things we do or consume that dull our light such as eating, snark, exercise, shopping, sex, work, drugs, or even over-functioning. The framework is the Eight Awarenesses. Prior posts here. Information about my recent book, upcoming events, and more via my website.

“It’s not the daily increase but daily decrease. Hack away at the unessential.”
-Bruce Lee

When my boys and I lived in two different small cottages for three years between our first family home and our current house, we had a rule: One out for one in. If one of them wanted a new sweatshirt, a new toy, or I wanted a new pair of shoes, for example, we had to be able to think of something we’d donate or retire first. This helped us stay intentional about the objects we allowed into our lives as well as kept our small space livable.

Photo by Amy Perl Photography, part of her “Porch Quickies” series during the pandemic

A topic that has come up a lot at events, readings, and interviews about Undimmed is this notion of removing things we consume or do that no longer serve us. Substances are obvious, but less evident and often equally powerful are behavioral:

commitments we maintain out of inertia
social or professional rhythms that no longer nourish us
projects that once were prioritized and nourishing, but now drain energy
media and information streams that rob our attention
identities we have outgrown

What are we willing to stop, pause, or remove? What no longer aligns with where we want to go or who have a sense we are becoming? Sometimes the most important choices aren’t additions, they are removals. And it’s okay to not know the why yet. Sometimes that awareness comes later.

They key is to be a proactive editor, not be afraid of negative space. If we are ready for a shift or phase of growth, evolution—we need to be sure we have enough room for what’s entering our lives, even if it’s not yet visible.

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If you’re familiar with the Eight Awarenesses, you know the second: I choose what I consume (food, drink, media, people, activities, purchases) and the seventh: Time is our most precious currency, to be spent with care and intention.

When we become more deliberate about these, space usually opens. Less Instagram, less news, less sugar, less shallow social time—this is a good enough start for me. For example, I am far more likely to exercise or meditate in the morning if I postpone engaging with my phone for an hour or more. Similarly, opting out of a small-talky work event might create space for a deeper evening with myself or my person. ♥️

In my experience, the key has been doing my best to be okay with the space, whether it be a multi-hour gap in the calendar, an empty shelf, or a weekend with no plans. It can feel awkward at first, maybe even unsafe, or lazy(!). But I hear time and time again (and have experienced myself) that there is a certain magic that can happen in these windows that isn’t available when every corner of life is already full.

And it turns out one of the most effective ways to stay stuck is simply to fill our days with the same inputs, the same rhythms, the same uses of our time.

“Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”
- Often attributed to Albert Einstein

Sometimes we already know what we want to add to our lives:

exploring a new hobby, course, or practice
a few deeper connections rather than sprawling, more shallow ones
more time outside
creative work of some kind (thinking broadly: cooking, art, writing)
better routines around rest
a different relationship with our bodies, our time, or our attention
a new pair of shoes ;)

I want to make a documentary. I want to learn how to play the harp. I’d like to go on at least one longer retreat in the next twelve months. I want to go to Mongolia. I have another book I want to write. Looking at my calendar and my year ahead, a few things are going to have to go for any of this to happen.

1. The Calendar Edit

Look at the next 30–60 days of your calendar, marking everything:

Green: energizing / meaningful
Yellow: neutral / necessary
Red: draining / outdated

Remove or renegotiate at least one recurring “red” commitment.

2. Craft a “Stop List”

Instead of only setting intentions or crafting goals, maintain a short “stop list” such as:

Stop reading or listening to the news before noon
Stop attending events out of obligation
Stop saying yes immediately (I love asking myself “would I do it tomorrow?” as a test of my true willingness and interest)
Stop carrying a project that no longer has energy

Don’t feel like you have to be perfect with this, just increase awareness around the list, perhaps by reviewing it weekly.

3. The One In for One Out Rule

When we want to add something to our lives, something has to leave. For example:

New project → retire an old one
New subscription → cancel another
New podcast in the feed → delete another
New social commitment → release one that’s stale

4. A Quarterly Clearing Ritual (Spring is a great season for this!)

Once every few months, spend a few hours doing a deliberate clearing of:

inboxes, unwanted newsletters, and digital clutter
physical spaces, especially shelves, drawers, and closets
all flavors of subscriptions
lingering commitments
unfinished obligations

Don’t rush to refill these spaces.

Looking back on that One out for one in rule we had, I realize now our attention was on what we wanted to add before we considered what we’d remove or retire. I can see now that there is enormous magic and power in starting with what we can clear—making the space first—then being thoughtful about what might replace it. Sometimes we need space to even see or feel what we want to call into our lives.

Maybe we can try this together: remove a few obligations, objects, habits, or information streams that no longer serve us and just notice: what arrives? What becomes available that wasn’t previously? What invitations into a new orientation or experience fill that space? I’d love to hear from you.

TGIF :: A Spring Clearing