Remember the previous decade—and as recently as 2023—when Kayne West would always call Kim Kardashian “the modern Marilyn Monroe”? Yeah, no. Leave it to a man to not understand the nuances of dark femininity. Kanye, honey, this could never be the reincarnation of Marilyn Monroe:
This was:
The magic. The absolute captivation of the entire world. The sex.
And then: the bad blur.
The drug addiction. The mental illness. The isolation.
(I think about Marilyn’s favorite pseudonym, Zelda Zonk. Has there ever been a more perfect name for Britney?)
Marilyn died at 36. Thanatos-driven Britney was placed in a vessel like Tinkerbell at age 26...
...and was arguably kept alive.
Britney is a legend. She is up there with—insert wince emoji—Michael Jackson, Prince, and Whitney Houston. But also, okay, with Madonna. Thumbs up emoji.
Britney was recently arrested for DUI, with speed in the car. It was reported on TMZ that she is buying Adderall in Mexico. I won’t patronize Britney by saying I hope she knows these aren’t the same pills that were on the black market before her conservatorship—that today’s counterfeit pills are killing people every day. Believe me, she knows.
*****
Okay, ENOUGH DARK SHIT. I actually pulled this xoJane throwback column to repost because last night, before I went to bed, I spritzed on one of my favorite bedtime perfumes…that—unlike so many of the beauty products in my old articles—is still available today. That very perfume is at the end of the article.
All of the photos from my xoJane columns are gone. I had to go on my friend Shaun’s old Tumblr and find images from the night of the 2011 concert. I’d bought four tickets, so three people would go with me. It’s hilarious, in retrospect, to remember getting on a weird bus a New Jersey stadium with wild SAME, Matisse, and Shaun RFC—during peak angel dust years.
What I love about this column is the pure joy in it. I was truly vibing that summer. Sorry in advance for a few offensive beats. Enjoy!
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