Reading · Not Lamb Anymore

Mid-century style vector illustration, a man standing on the hull of a sinking upturned wooden boat waving, two people on the harbour holding a lifebuoy, withholding it from him — Nah, we ain’t helpin’. We could, but we won’t.

When they let you down in such a way that x number of days/weeks/months ago you could never have imagined they’ve ever be that… terrible? When you end up saying (in reference to them), How do they sleep at night?

It’s one thing to witness this in everyday life around the world. People on the internet are awful. Politicians are awful. Celebrities are awful. Billionaires and oligarchs are awful. Not all of them, but a lot of them.

(I’m holding back on the adjectives I’d like to use here; ‘awful’ is going to be my go-to word for now because within the thesaurus I use, the first context for ‘awful’ was described as ‘extremely unpleasant in nature’. It seems tame but believe me, I’m holding back. And I’m not talking about murderers and r@pists of course, just regular people, the ones you don’t expect it from.)

It’s another thing for these awful people to be friends or family, the people you think have your back, the people you’d always held in high regard and would never do anything as awful as x, y or z to you (or anyone).

Turns out we were wrong. It turns out people can let you down spectacularly. And not just NOT having your back, but being there to rub salt in the wound, kick you to the ground and spit on you — all behind a mask of politeness, pleasantries and a fake smile.

I’m sure you’ll appreciate that I can’t go into any kind of detail here, and I know that as a reader that’s all sorts of frustrating (sorry). I’d love to describe the whole juicy mess, but as it’s an ongoing thing I’m staying cryptic about the details.

But to give you an idea, here’s an analogy:

You and your partner have a What would you do in this scenario… discussion one day about being on a ship that’s going down, and you’re both there with X and Y (friends/family, the collective term for which I’ll use FF).

Your partner: Being on a sinking ship would be terrible. But I’d have to make absolutely sure that you’re safe. Then I’d make sure that X and Y are too.

You: Aww, you’d make sure we were all okay?

Your partner: Of course! Once you’re safe, I want to make sure they get onto a lifeboat because they’re my FF. If there was no way I could save myself, at least I’d know I’d helped them get to safety. They’d do the same for me, I’d like to think.

You: But what if they were told by someone else — let’s say another FF who’s got a grudge against you for absolutely no reason that you know of — tells them to leave you to drown? When they could easily save you as well as themselves?

Your partner: Well, I’d like to think that they wouldn’t just blindly follow those instructions, because who’s that spineless and cruel?

You: I agree. Any decent person would know that’s the right thing to do. I’m so glad you’re the type of person who’d make sure they’re okay and ignore the one dishing out the stupid instructions because that’ll only cause someone to drown for no reason.

Your partner: Well, as they’re my FF then they’d do the same for me. Wouldn’t they?

You: Of course they’d do the same. They’re not awful people — what decent person WOULD do that? Leave you to drown on a sinking ship when they have a chance to save you as well as themselves? They’d never do that.

Your partner: Yeah ❤️.

We have found ourselves on that sinking ship. Turns out people CAN be that awful, hiding it with cordialities. I (we) would never do that in a million years to someone because it’s a horrible thing to do. However, they would do it, and, it seems, they can still sleep at night. They can still live with themselves even after continuing the awful behaviour of the OG rather than calling them out on it.

When we’ve seen a particularly heinous crime discussed on the news or in a documentary, my husband and I often discuss how a group of (two or more) people gets to the point of committing a spontaneous group crime.

In other words, the majority of the people are joining in. At no point has one person turned round and said, ‘You know what? I don’t think this is a good idea. Let’s not do this. I’m not doing this.’

Instead, they go along with it. They go along with the terrible act, seemingly blind to how awful what they’re doing is. I know I’m touching on a whole psychology/pack mentality issue here, but it’s fascinatingly disappointing and shocking that the majority are prepared to be awful people — and too spineless to go against the perpetrator — rather than stand up and do the decent thing.

And again, I stress — I’m talking about regular people, not criminals.

And when those regular people are friends/family, it’s an eye-opener. They do something you could NEVER imagine doing yourself because you couldn’t live with yourself if you did that to a person, could you?

They can, it seems.

So, ugh. What a ballsack of turd blankets. The wheat has most certainly been separated from the chaff, and true colours have been shown. I mean… wow.

P.S. Oh, and in case you’re wondering, there is absolutely nothing we have done (that we’re aware of) that would justify their behaviour. Nothing. And everyone else who is aware of this situation is horrified at what’s happened and ‘can’t believe anyone would do that to friends/family’.

P.P.S. It sure makes you realise who are the good guys and who are the bad, doesn't it?

Friends & Family: Separating the Wheat From the Chaff

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