i'm an internet weir...
Lately I feel a lot like I’m doing the wrong thing, even if I’m not. I find myself having to consciously tell myself, “You’re safe. Nobody is mad at you. You’re not in trouble. Everything is okay.” And this happens at random times, like when I’m at work. I’ll be sitting there plucking gummies and dusting them in sugar and my brain will be trying to escape from my body. A lot of the time when this…
Making goals is hard for me. I think it’s a holdover from the idea that I never thought I would live this long. From 11, I was convinced I would die young somehow. I liked to imagine that I would die heroically saving someone else, but the statistics skew more towards suicide. But I’m in a better place now. I’m well-medicated, well-therapized, in a stable and comfortable home environment (despite…
I have held 3 different jobs this year. I have made several songs. I have worked on a novel. I have written several short stories about a new character (and an old one). I have lost, and gained, and lost again, several friends. I have accepted that I am an addict. I have been officially diagnosed with autism. I have gained another partner. I have started self-hosting a Nextcloud instance for…
I recently read Joan Westenberg's "I Deleted My Second Brain" (via aid's "On bookmarking and saving things" , many thanks) and a line really struck me: I no longer worship the permanence of text. I think that's pretty beautiful, and as aid says in "On bookmarking...", I still think that no information learned is wasted, even if the memory does not hold onto it. My own memory is so permeable that I…
Hi strangers! My favorite month just ended and I feel like the internet deserves an update on my whereabouts. I'm now 34. My birthday went really well. I hung out with two of my partners and went to Olive Garden (RIP) the day before my birthday, and I went to see Tron: Ares on my birthday with another of my partners. Speaking of said partners, I have a new third as of August. He's wonderful and…
I've been doing lots of things. Work I've been working part time at the post office. I deliver mail two to three days a week and packages on Sundays. It's a tough job I need to get better at, but I'm committed because it pays great! Recreation I've been going on lots of dates with my girlfriend! We got our nails done last week, the first time I've ever done it! I've been hanging out with her a lot…
so, i have bipolar disorder. (technically schizoaffective bipolar, which means i have schizophrenia and bipolar at the same time, which means i experience psychosis outside of my bipolar episodes in addition to within them.) i take medication for it, because i am lucky enough to have health insurance right now. (this has not always been the case, so i definitely feel fortunate.) i take a generic…
I got a new job last month. It's been a slow time training me, and my first time doing it by myself was supposed to be last Wednesday. But, much to my embarrassment, I threw up in my car as I was driving to work that morning. I was one turn away from getting to work. Cleaning it up was not fun, but my boss was very understanding. He told me to take the day off and not to worry about it too much. I…
I'm like 99% sure I have autism. I have a lot of autistic traits, my childhood was very autistic (save that I was speaking by age 2), and I score a 172 on the RAADS-R test . I've never been diagnosed, but every diagnosed autistic I've ever met has identified me as a fellow autistic. One of the many, many reasons I'm convinced that I'd autistic is that autistic people often have specific foods we…
(This was originally posted on my website on 03/29/24.) One of my favorite games came out in 1999 for Windows PCs. I started playing it then and I haven't really stopped since. You'd think that would mean I'd be really good at this game. Nope! I am still terrible at it! (I like to pretend that I have more fun that way.) Heroes of Might and Magic 3 is a turn-based strategy game where, generally,…