The Identity I'm Scared to Be Seen In

As I’m writing this it’s the full moon in Aquarius right now (the North Node just shifted into Aquarius too), and I could feel this one wanting to come out sooner. We’re going to be feeling this energy for the next couple of days, so, timely seemed better than tidy.

Quick life update before we get into it: I did the most fun manifestation photo shoot (well that’s what I’m going to call it at least, haha) this week with an incredible photographer and woman that I met through Threads. Completely random, completely serendipitous. We shot at Paramount and ended up doing a studio tour, which I cannot recommend enough.

I’ve worked on basically every studio lot in New York but never really gotten to see behind the curtain on some of the LA ones, so it was one of those days that just refilled the cup. Being around a set, any set, is still one of my favorite feelings in the world — the crew, the energy, the specific kind of chaos. It reminded me all over again why I’m doing this.

And then, because the universe loves a juxtaposition, I went straight from that shoot to Hudson’s soccer practice. One of those sweet double-duty mom moments where I got to be a person chasing her dream and also just... his mom, watching him run around a field. Both things, same day. It’s my favorite.

So this week’s reflection actually started with me doing something completely unplanned.

I hadn’t been on Instagram much lately — it just wasn’t lighting me up. A lot of the feed was old colleagues from the business-coaching, self-help, online-entrepreneur world I used to live in. Nothing against any of them, genuinely. But it started to feel like old, uninspiring energy.

Like I was scrolling through a version of my life I’d already outgrown.

This past weekend I went down a rabbit hole, I’d seen an actress in something and wanted to find her Instagram, and one follow led to another, led to another. Casting directors, directors, working actors I’d never heard of who aren’t famous-famous, just real people doing the work.

Within about an hour I had completely rebuilt my feed.

And I’m obsessed with it now. I actually want to comment on things. I want to celebrate people’s wins. My creative cup is getting filled just by opening the app, which is a new experience for me.

And I couldn’t stop thinking about how perfectly that mirrors what this Aquarius full moon (plus the node shift) seems to be asking a lot of us right now:

where are you still hanging out in a room you’ve outgrown?

I’m still close with so many friends from that old world, some of whom have been unbelievably supportive through this whole shift. So while Aquarius does connect with community, tribe, etc, it doesn’t always mean you need to release your friend group or the people in your life.

These days all of us have MASSIVE COMMUNITIES on our social feeds. Every person or brand we follow, we our inviting in to our tiny little town of our psyche.

And that can impact us just as much energetically as having toxic friend or boss.

I think this Full Moon and Nodal Shift with Aquarius front and center is asking us all, where are you still curating a version of your life that reflects who you *were* instead of who you’re becoming?

A friend once told me we’re all constantly choosing our “psychic diet” with everything we let into our ears and our eyes. Your feed, your podcasts, your Substacks (hi!), even the shows you watch. It populates the world you live in, the thoughts you think and how you feel, whether you’re aware of it in the moment or not. It’s also an incredibly accessible way to insert yourself into a new community in an instant.

Might be a little harder for me to just show up at the Oscars and be like, “hey guys, so I’m one of you now!” haha

Listen, this doesn’t mean you have to only follow, read or listen to people who are exactly like the version of you that you dream of being BUT it does mean to choose people and subjects that inspire you, that get you thinking, that open your mind and most of all, that feel energetically expansive and elevating.

I follow an actress I adore who loves living on a farm, which is not my dream (the farm part) even a little bit, and I still find her wildly inspiring, because she made a choice that was true for her and didn’t let it stop her from also chasing her work. That’s the thread I actually relate to.

It’s less “does this person want what I want” and more “is this energy pointing toward the future I’m building, or the past I’m leaving.”

That’s the surface-level reflection. Here’s the part underneath it, which is the part I almost didn’t put in this email.

Because there’s a Jupiter-Kazimi-in-Leo happening right now too — a lot of astrologers are calling it the luckiest transit of the year which is debatable though because it’s also conjunct Pluto on a Full Moon so there’s some shadow and releasing in there if we are truly going for the jupiter-esque expansion, some ending-energy mixed in with the blessing.

It’s had me looking at where I’m still hiding.

Where I’m still resistant to being fully seen.

Consciously, I’d have told you I’m fine with being seen. I’ve been on national TV. I’ve spoken to rooms of a thousand-plus people. I’ve had a public presence for years. None of that rattles me.

But I noticed something. There are a few genuinely small acting tasks that have been sitting on my to-do list for over a month. Not hard things, they’d probably take an hour, tops. And I keep not doing them. And when a thing that small sits untouched for that long, it’s usually not about the task.

Here’s what I found when I actually looked at it:

I am completely, fully comfortable being seen as a mindfulness-and-manifestation person. I could talk about that at Madison Square Garden and feel nothing but ease.

Which is a strange thing to sit with.. that the identity I’ve had for over a decade feels safer than the one I actually want now. That the new dream is somehow scarier to be witnessed in than the old one ever was.

I don’t have a clean bow to put on that. I’m not “over” the fear, I just finally saw it clearly this week. The questions I’m sitting with, and maybe you are too, in whatever version of this applies to you is:

Is there a part of me that’s still questioning whether I’m allowed to fully go for the thing I actually want? What part of myself might be judging myself for it?

What old belief needs to be released in order for me to fully own my gifts in this area as boldly and freely as I have in my mindfulness career?

Oh, and I WILL be taking action before you hear from me again next week because I know, while my fear clearing and tapping will certainly help move it, that sometimes you just have to get comfortable enough doing it scared, vulnerable and unsure before it just comes more naturally.

More than anything, I’m reminding myself what I’d remind any of you of, that God wouldn’t put this dream in my heart if he didn’t also give me the skills and talent to make it manifest on earth. ;)

That’s where I’m at. Full moon energy’s still got a couple days left to shake more loose. I’ll let you know what it turns up and please let me know in the comments below what’s been coming up for you!

xox

Cass