I'm 9 months pregnant

(Actually, I will be 9 months pregnant in a week. I’m 35+ weeks now)

Well well well….

The last thing I wrote was back in early November, nearly 9 months ago, about how horribly ADHD and frazzled I felt.

I was trying, and failing, to be an organized homemaker, or whatever. And my brain was on fire. (If you’re curious, I washed and dried my 15 year old pillow in the washer and dryer, and I’m still using it to this day.)

Turns out that when I wrote that, I was about a week pregnant, and probably drinking too much coffee. I felt totally jacked and my heart was racing. I felt insane.

The reason I was drinking (too much) coffee (for being pregnant), is because I was nearly sure I wasn’t pregnant.

The first time I was early pregnant, I felt pregnant. I knew. I had very early symptoms. Tenderness. Cramps on the 10th day signaling implantation. Constant peeing. I just knew. Then I had a miscarriage at 12 weeks. The baby hadn’t grown past 6 weeks.

This time, I felt none of that. I thought I was sure I was not pregnant, based on how I’d felt before.

Plus, this was the first month that I’d decided, after looking at the calendar of when I’d be due, that this was very bad timing to get pregnant. Too many things going on around when I’d be due in July that would make it too stressful. So, maybe better if it failed this month anyway.

I had been very anxious since the miscarriage that I wouldn’t be able to get (or stay) pregnant easily again. But that month, the reverse psychology worked. “Maybe it’s better if I don’t get pregnant this month.” And voila.

And of course, I was terrified of another loss. Though part of me thought… well, maybe this is just inconvenient enough timing that I will have this baby. And it seems that is true.

As much as this is what I’ve wanted, I’ve unfortunately been verrrry nauseous this whole pregnancy. The morning sickness/nausea/vomiting did not end after the first trimester. The days got better and nights got worse during the second trimester. I didn’t get any significant kind of relief until about 27 weeks.

Now, at 35 weeks, the nausea has been back. And through it all, I know many people have it even worse in pregnancy with nausea and vomiting. I could at least keep down food and water, enough to have steady growth of both myself and the baby. But, the experience overall has mostly been miserable.

And I was so smugly sure that I wouldn’t be one of those people who was sick through their whole pregnancy. I knew too much about health. About minerals. About protein. I never had stomach or digestion issues. Sucks for them, but I’ll be fine.

LOL.

Humbled. It’s been horrible. And nothing I have done or tried has helped much at all. And, the never ending sickness is the reason why I haven’t written on here at all. It’s just been too much.

So, while I can say that I have not enjoyed pregnancy. And I’m very daunted by having to do this again because we know we want more than one baby, if we can. I am very excited to be almost finished with this pregnancy, and to have a lil’ baby boy.

And I’m very amazed that this pregnancy has been completely uneventful and healthy, despite absolutely hating food. I miss loving food so much.

Another funny thing, for my fellow crunchy people, is that I actually think the reason I was able to get pregnant was antibiotics. In early October, I had a uterine biopsy while they went in to remove a uterine polyp, (that they found had already removed itself).

The uterine biopsy showed an infection and inflammation of my uterine lining. It’s not clear whether that infection was caused by my prolonged miscarriage, or whether it caused the miscarriage. But either way, I was put on a strong dose of doxycycline for 2 weeks. And, before the end of that fortnight, I was pregnant. I had avoided antibiotics (and also seemingly didn’t have any need for them) for over 15 years. And it was antibiotics that may have given me what I wanted so badly.

Am I ready to have this baby?

I’m mentally ready to have this baby, and to not be pregnant anymore.

But practically? No, I’m not ready yet, largely because my shower is not until 37 weeks.

Let’s all hope that my mother, who is sure she is right about everything, is right about the “fact” that I will go late, and therefore 37 weeks is plenty of time to unbox and wash and organize everything before you’re in newborn-land.

Do we have a name?

No.

As I said above, he is a boy. I was so strangely sure he was a girl until the anatomy scan. And so was everyone else. We had plenty of girl names. But! He is a boy, and we don’t have a name yet. Mike doesn’t like any standard boy names. I only like standard boy names. We have a short list that hopefully will be enough to choose from when the baby is born to make a decision…. eeeek!

Well, first of all, my sister had just gotten engaged, and the talk was about her wedding being in the summer, across the country. So, that was the first stressor. But now, she isn’t having her wedding until next year. (Thanks, Marg!)

Also, my stepson’s mom’s wedding was also right around the due date, in another country. So I was worried about her honeymoon being right when I gave birth and it being a big scheduling/childcare stressor. And, that actually turned out to be a non-issue scheduling wise as well.

But the big, big one, was that Mike was working on temporary contracts for a job he was trying to get full time. We knew that two people were leaving the department in the spring, meaning, he would likely get to apply for the role, and get it in the summer. And if he got it, which we wanted, it would require him to go off to a 6-week training in Texas, right around when I was due. So, how flexible would they be? How could we find out without him asking presumptuously, and also reveal that I was pregnant, which might be a deterrent if they knew…

Let me tell you, I was so stressed about that. Out-of-my-mind stressed.

I prayed so much. So so so much. I prayed for some kind of solution that was better than I even could imagine.

First, we really wanted him to get this job. But second, if he did… please please please let there be a solution that I can’t even foresee.

And let me tell you. Not only did he get the job, but they never asked anything that even required him to skirt the issue or lie by omission in the interview. That was a stressor for him. He had worked with these people, and knew them well. They asked about me often. So how could he… not tell them and have them not feel like he had lied? We knew he wasn’t required to tell a hiring board anything personal, but… what should he really practically do? We decided that when the subject of travel came up, he would be honest that he was available to go to the training, but would just need accommodations around the birth. Then he could ask and hope for more specific accommodations if he got the job.

But, it was a new hiring board with people he didn’t know as well. New boss. No questions about travel. Nothing.

He got the job and then when he told them I was pregnant and due this summer, his boss told him that he was entitled to the full 12-week paternity leave, and their only request, if Mike was amenable, was that he took it all at once, instead of breaking it up like he was entitled to. It helps them to fire someone to fill in in the interim.

!!!!!????? I was 100% expecting to only ask him to do like… 2 weeks of the paternity leave before going back in, since it would be so soon after getting the job.

What this means, is that he doesn’t have to go to the training until after the 12 week paternity leave. And yes, I’ll be healed enough at that point, and the baby will be old enough, to go with him for a lil’ 6 week experience in San Antonio.

Thank you God.

I hope I never ever ever forget what an answered prayer that is.

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine.

For real for real. For so real.

But there is even more to this answered prayer. It’s way bigger than just this, and it’s something I haven’t shared because of discretion over Mike’s job.

But I’m going to share about it behind the paywall for those of you who have stuck around during this 9 month absence. Mike is very private when it comes to his job, which is something I really try to respect. But this story is just such a big answered prayer, that I have to share. Behind the paywall. OK.