I remember talking to my therapist in March 2020, after the world effectively shut down, and telling her that I was grateful for the break. Saying it out loud, there was a twinge of guilt. But it was real.
Houston Area Young Leaders, American Cancer Society, Feed the City, League of Women Voters, a few voluntold committee positions at work (definitely the subject of a future post)…honestly, it was a lot.
The world was on fire, nonprofits were facing even greater needs than before, but I was burned out. So much of my life had been on autopilot for the past few years: wake up, work out, drive to work, sit at my desk, go to the committee meeting, drive home, rinse and repeat. I needed some time to recalibrate. Without the “hard stop” of the first weeks of the pandemic, I don’t know when I would have taken the time to call myself out and reevaluate.
Self-care isn’t rocket science, but taking the time to practice it is a revolutionary act.
When you actually give your mind a chance to settle, most self-care practices are fairly instinctual. Feeling tired? Sleep. Feeling anxious? Breathe. Our bodies and minds know what to do; we just get caught up in the noise and forget to listen.
Recently, I heard someone refer to their work/life as being in harmony rather than in balance. I really like that. Balance implies that we’re teetering on the edge, trying to keep everything right-side-up. Harmony makes me think of music; sometimes the vocals will take center stage, other times the instruments, but it’s beautiful all the same.
Below are five key areas I focus on as I work to build a more sustainable life. The harmony may not be perfect on any given day, but with a little more practice and a few tuning tweaks, tomorrow’s song can be on-key.
I’m no die-hard Swiftie, but when Taylor said “treat your time like a luxury item,” I received that message loud and clear.
Managing who has access to your time and energy is an act of reclamation.
You may have heard the phrase, “manage your energy, not your time.” That’s what I’m talking about here. Have you ever sat in a meeting that 1000% should have been an email and felt yourself falling asleep, but the second you walk back to your desk to sit down and work on an engaging project, your brain is suddenly firing on all cylinders?
That meeting that should have been an email is an energy vampire. Your engaging project is an energy wellspring. Developing the self-awareness needed to identify the activities and thoughts that zap your energy dry vs. charge your battery will serve you well in all facets of life.
Schedule 3 or 4 personal check-ins over the course of one week (e.g., 9:00 AM, 12:00 PM, 4:00 PM, 8:00 PM).
During these check-ins, write down a few words that describe how you’re feeling (e.g., tired, grumpy, curious, excited).
At the end of the week, go back to your energy journal and read over what you shared. Reflect on what activities preceded your journaling sessions. Were those activities draining you or energizing you?
If possible, try to reconfigure your workstream to emphasize wellspring activities over energy vampire activities. We might not be able to fully avoid energy vampire situations, but maybe that weekly meeting could go to bi-weekly or could be made less painful with an agenda that everyone follows along together.
When the org you love calls you up to ask for help, “no” can feel like a dirty word. There will be seasons of life in which you can say yes to every request and feel energized to do so. But there will also be other seasons that ask a lot of you, and you may have less to give to those causes you care so much about.
For volunteers, saying “no” is an act of self-love. Service is a marathon, not a sprint. Whatever cause you serve, the challenge will (unfortunately) likely be there tomorrow. Your org needs you in it for the long haul.
If you, like me, struggle with saying “no” or setting boundaries, consider writing a personal affirmation. I have done a lot of googling about this over the years, and this page always pops up with really nice suggestions.
Running from your 9-5 to your board meeting and then back to work bright and early the next morning is a recipe for burnout. Your body and brain need downtime to process, perform system updates, and literally just rest.
Reserve one day a week to decompress from both your day job and your volunteer job. It can be tempting to want to go hard on your day job during your workweek and hard on your volunteer stuff on your days off, which means you’re going hard every day. Scheduling an “off” day for yourself ensures proper recovery, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally, so you can show up fully for the coming week.
Select one day a week to block off from any 9-5 or volunteer-related work. You may have to do laundry or meal prep, and that’s fine, but ideally, the bulk of the day should be reserved for rest.
For introverts, this might look like sitting on the couch with a good book or catching up on a fun show. For extroverts, maybe you are catching up with friends and family. Whatever it takes for you to fully recharge and be ready to come back stronger the next day, do that.
Your schedule may need to be a bit more fluid, but try to maintain consistency and protect your rest day!
In stressful times, my default reaction is to grind harder, give more, and cancel social plans. When I end up having something on my calendar I can’t avoid (like a birthday celebration for a close friend), it can take a lot of mental energy to get me there. But once I arrive and settle in, chat with friends and reconnect with people I care about, I always leave renewed in a way that I can’t achieve through extra sleep or a journaling session.
When life starts to feel heavy, connecting with friends and family who really know you can be a real boost.
Prioritize social self-care by regularly setting aside time to meet with a trusted friend and catch up on life. It seems simple (and obvious), but often we default to casual, digital means of conversation to “keep up” with our friends (e.g., texting).
A good, deep conversation can be restorative for everyone involved, even if it takes a little bit of calendar gymnastics to make it happen.
I resisted mindfulness for a looooong time. I honestly didn’t think I “had the time” to be mindful. How could I slow down when there was so much to do?
Today, I’m a certified mindfulness facilitator for my 9-5 (one of my workplace volunteer commitments). The journey from “absolutely not” to “let me show you how” took many years and started very small.
The key for me was shifting my understanding of what mindfulness really is. Many of us have this image of the perfectly focused and serene yogi, meditating with crossed legs on the top of a mountain. In reality, mindfulness can be practiced in almost every aspect of your life, and does not require hours of your day.
Mindfulness practitioners talk about dedicated vs. integrated practice. Dedicated practice is what likely comes to mind immediately: setting aside a block of time (even 5 minutes is enough) to “go to your mindfulness gym” and put in some reps. Integrated practice is woven into your life, bringing awareness to a common activity to shift from going through the motions to fully experiencing the moment.
Beginning a mindfulness practice is all about figuring out what works for you. Some will gravitate to focused attention meditation, others will find stillness with mindful journaling, and you may find mindful movement to really work for you.
Ideas for dedicated practice:
Self-Compassion meditation with Lisa Abramson on Insight Timer
Journaling for self-awareness from mindfulnessexercises.com
Mindful Movement with Bonnie from YMCA at home
Ideas for integrated practice:
Transition between meetings with 3 breaths: the first breath invites a calm mind, the second breath relaxes the body, and the third breath asks the question, “What is most important now?”
Take a mindful sip: when you sit down with a new beverage, bring the awareness of all five of your senses to the first sip, really feeling each sense engage.
Mindful steps: when walking from your car to the front door (or from any point A to point B), bring an awareness to each step you take for the first 30 seconds. Keep your phone in your pocket, take out your headphones, and really feel the sensation of your foot connecting to the ground.
As the old adage goes, you can’t pour from an empty cup.
If you have any tips to share or strategies for moving the mission forward without burning out, I would love to hear them!
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