Working on the portfolio

For many many years I thought that I am definitely not a perfectionist. Back then I was thinking that since my space is always kind of messy and that there are so many imperfections around me, I just cannot be one. But then, one day, it struck me - I am the worst when it comes to my art. Basically, there are two people inside me – Karolina as a person and Karolina as a creator.

The first one lets go of little imperfections, understands that nothing in our life is perfect, straight from the magazine pictures, that people have their own flaws. But Karolina the creator? She can’t stand the not so perfect line, every little speck of paint that is misplaced is driving her crazy. Some time ago I’ve done a piece that I was really proud of. Just at the end of painting it I did teeny-tiny mistake that I could easily fix in photoshop. But of course I couldn’t let it go. I kept reminding myself of this mistake and the phrase ‘I messed up the whole thing’ kept popping up in my head.

And because of that I sometimes wonder if I ever finish my portfolio. I wanted it to be published month ago but to this day I still haven’t finished all the pieces that will be published in it. The perfectionist in me is triumphing - she sees all the tiny details, mistakes, things that could be done better. It’s a perfect route to start being anxious about the delay. “Fortunately”, work on the new website has dragged on a bit, so I still have a bit of wiggle room.

The hardest part of building portfolio targeted for picture books, when you haven't published any yet? Inventing stories. It's not even about full stories, with an ending etc. Just scenes or episodes that I could illustrate as examples of potential book spreads. I try to create different types of compositions, show my skill as good as possible. At the same time I’m working on some stories that I will propose for publishing houses, so I don’t want to share them on my website (or at least not now).

And don’t get me wrong - I have many stories in my head. Some of them are more complex than others. But right now there are too many of them and there is constant question of “is this good enough for the official portfolio?” and I just can’t decide which to choose.

Nevertheless, I’ve done few compositions that I quite like. Here’s two one-page illustrations with Mr. Bug. This handsome bug is passionate about fashion and always tries to look good, even on a bad day.

I’ve also made a full spread with new pair of characters that appeared in my sketchbook some time ago.

And last but not least, there’s another full-spread composition with my beloved Alfred. He’s a mole, who has many hobbies and is always busy. He also appreciates small wonders of nature.

I’m actually working on a bigger personal project about Alfred and can’t wait to show it to you. Hope it will be done soon (if my inner perfectionist lets me).

Wish you a calm rest of the week,

Karolina 🌼

P.S. I borrowed from the library a book with Italian recipes intertwined with stories about life in the countryside there. Now, instead of working, I dream of being there and enjoying the summer to the fullest.