Civil Discourse While Waiting On Line

Why is it easier to challenge someone’s prejudices or outright racism when they are a stranger? I had to ask myself that yesterday while waiting on line to make a purchase. I won’t say what store I was at, except to mention that only recently I’ve been patronizing them more so when I discovered that they didn’t buckle under tRump’s confounding executive order by targeting diversity, equity and inclusion. There’s another store much bigger with more options and closer to my home that I could have gone to, but they buckled so I avoid them at all costs. However, I’m guessing the man who was standing behind me on line didn’t even realize he was patronizing a business that quite likely didn’t mirror his prejudices. Bear in mind, the conversation between him and myself, which remained civil, isn’t verbatim and I am annoyed with myself for missing some rebuttal opportunities, but here’s what transpired:

I was next in line to be rung up while the cashier was helping a customer. The man behind me said, “Looks like they hired more people.” (Or something along that line.)

I looked over to see that the cashier was a young woman wearing a hijab and replied, “I don’t come here that often to know,” which was true.

Apparently, he wanted to be sure he made his point and said something along the lines that if someone is in America they should look it.

I turned to see that this man was covered in tattoos and wearing a Harley shirt. My tone upbeat, I said, “Oh my goodness, I love seeing all the different cultures.” (I should have added: ‘That’s what makes us America.’ First missed opportunity.)

He then said, “They should speak our language since they’re in our country.”

Our country? I replied: “Actually, we should be speaking Native American, since they were here first.”

Tattoo man: “I guess we all have a little bit of that blood in all of us.”

Second missed opportunity since I should have said that unless we are a Native American, we all come from immigrants, but I didn’t pursue it. Meanwhile, the cashier was still helping the customer.

After a beat, though, he was determined to make his point and said something along these lines: “It’s not fair that the foreigners get the best jobs.”

He also said something about colleges, but I wasn’t sure what he meant. I also wasn’t sure if he meant working behind a counter in a store was the “best job” given to a foreigner, but my kneejerk response was: “Probably because they got the better education.”

To make it clear, both our tones were civil.

He replied: “No, they are both qualified but the foreigner always gets the job.”

I said something along the lines, “The white man has always had the advantage. So it’s about time.”

Tattoo man: “I’m just saying there’s so many Asians and stuff.”

I looked him in the eye and said, “I have two daughters from Korea,” which is true. This was when my civility could have fallen by the wayside, but I kept it together.

He replied, “That’s okay, but uh…”

Then the cashier motioned me over so I left the conversation there. However, I needed help to find something that wasn’t on the shelf and she said she’d go with me to help, but instead I told her to first ring up the man, that I could wait. (By the way, she spoke perfectly good English.)

He mumbled a surprised thank you and after the young girl rang him up and he was walking out, I told him to take care. I wondered if he’d be waiting outside for me to continue the conversation, but he wasn’t. Still, I had several thoughts about this interaction.

First, it seems that more people are feeling empowered to share their prejudices and racism. I think most people know why. But perhaps because he saw that I was a white, blonde-haired woman, he assumed I’d be in agreement with him.

Second, if it had been several years ago, would I have simply ignored the man, not wanting a confrontation? Quite possibly.

Third, why was it easier for me to talk to a complete stranger than it is to those who are “friends” or family that are okay with what is happening in the country? That’s a challenging question. True, I don’t have any close friends who are in agreement with what the present administration is doing, and it’s by choice that I don’t. And most of my family, close and distant, see the dangers that are occurring; however there are some who choose to wear blinders and don’t want or aren’t comfortable enough to have an intelligent conversation to discuss politics. Instead, many of them go off the rails and spew non sequitur insults, echoing the one they have on a pedestal.

That said, I was grateful that both the man and I were able to converse without raising our voices. Maybe he left thinking I was nothing more than a bleeding heart liberal, which I guess I am. Or maybe, just maybe, he started to consider what I’d said. Either way, I take it as a lesson going forward: Don’t hesitate to speak up while keeping the conversation civil, and if they can’t keep it civil, then wish them well and move on.