The Someday Trap: Finding Freedom in the Life You Already Have

"The freedom everyone dreams about can become the emptiness nobody plans for." Lachlan Brown, Silicon Canals

I used to have a someday. Maybe you do too.

Someday when I don’t have to work anymore. When I’ve saved enough. When I retire. When I don’t have to answer to anyone, or be somewhere by a certain time. When I finally have the freedom I’ve been waiting for.

Six years ago, my husband and I made the decision to move near to my hometown to help care for my aging parents. We considered it a privilege to be able to do so, even though it was not our choice of location. We knew it was for a season.

During those 6 years, we often spoke of ‘someday’. We have just recently arrived at that someday.

So often in the midst of the ‘someday’ conversations, we challenged ourselves to not get stuck in making everything ‘someday.

Here’s what getting stuck can look like.

How often do we hear “I can’t wait till I retire and not have to go to work everyday.” Yet, once retirement actually comes it translates into “I don’t have a purpose anymore.“

We didn’t realize how much the rhythm of ordinary life was holding us together. Getting up. Going to work. Coming home. Catching up with family. Spending time with kids. Only to do it all over again the next day. Even though it felt so ordinary, it gave us something to show up for. Without it, the freedom we dreamed of starts to feel surprisingly hollow.

Then there’s the dream of travel. To travel the States, or the world. Maybe we look forward to taking 2-3 years to travel. Of course, initially it’s exciting (as all of these examples are), but after the first 6 months, or year, the excitement wears off. You start missing having a base, a place to call home. You tire of knowing you’ll be leaving again shortly. You miss deeper connections and those long-term friendships,

This is also true living abroad, another dream that others often carry. We lived in Mexico for seven months. We enjoyed it, the pace, the people, the connections we made. But I could see, if it had stretched into years, that I would have eventually missed something. Easy conversation. Friendships that go deeper than the expat community that rotates in and out every six months. The comfort of being truly known somewhere.

And, there’s the cabin in the mountains. To wake up to majestic, serene views every morning. That dream is real, too. Till the quiet gets too quiet. And the loneliness sets in and the grocery store is an hour drive on curvy roads at slower speeds.

Each of these dreams start as a solution. What they share is the belief that freedom lives somewhere out there, waiting. in a different season, a different place, a different version of our days.

But what if freedom isn’t only external? That’s the question my husband and I sat with for six years. What if, while we’re waiting for someday, there’s something worth finding right here?

We treasured the time with my parents. And didn’t want our dream of living elsewhere to diminish this moment in time with our parents that we could never get back. How could we keep moving toward our dream while standing still? We realized the moving had to become internal.

We took advantage of a month here and a month there to travel to find our next location. We realized aspects of our dream location could also be enjoyed where we were. Bicycling. Hiking. Camping.

It starts with this: What is it about that future thing you want that you don’t have now? And is there a way, even a small way, to bring a piece of that into the season you’re already in? It doesn’t have to be all or nothing. Just a step.

And then, go a little deeper. Begin to notice yourself. Why did that movie make you cry? Why did that comment make you angry? What is it hitting inside, and where did it come from? Is it even true? These aren’t small questions. They’re the ones that lead somewhere real.

Freedom is knowing yourself. Understanding your reactions, your responses, the feelings you express and the ones you don’t. That kind of freedom doesn’t require a different zip code or a retirement date. It’s available now, in the life you’re already living.

That’s the someday worth working toward.