This is First Things First, your weekly reminder to reflect on how far you’ve come, as well as prepare for the journey ahead. This is where I’ll share with you my deeper thoughts on all things career, money, family, and everything else that I won’t share anywhere else. This is a special place, and I’m glad you’re here.
Like many of you, I spent most of this weekend glued to my phone, watching videos of federal agents harass, beat and murder protestors in Minneapolis.
I’m also watching some of the same people who defended the rights of armed rioters like Kyle Rittenhouse or the January 6th mob now defend the government’s right to gun someone down in the street for simply having a (holstered) firearm. I’m seeing politicians in power write strongly worded letters urging us to ‘take action’ while they do nothing. And in the other room, as I write this, my 20-month old son, Isaiah, is in the other room watching Ms. Rachel.
In a few minutes, we’ll make pancakes and bacon, stop by our favorite coffee shop, and head out into the snow in Central Park. We’ll sled down a small hill on a sled borrowed from a neighbor, then share a few photos with our family back in Georgia. As a parent to a very young child, I feel as if I’m constantly balancing my real emotions of detachment and cynicsym with my responsibility to be the most present, joyful father I can. And on days like today, that balance feels especially hard.
I’m grateful that today my friends and neighbors are not the direct targets of this violence. But I’m also not that naive. In just a few weeks, Immigration and Customs Enforcement officers (supposedly only hunting violent criminals) have only killed American citizens so far, including a poet and an ICU nurse. It would be short-sighted to think this couldn’t affect me or people I love. And I also know my history.
Just last week, I wrote about the violence my mother faced trying to attend school in post-segregation Atlanta in the 1960s, and most black people in this country understand just how long this pattern has existed, and why it won’t be slowing down any time soon. Khalil Greene’s essay on this captured that observation perfectly:
I wish I had a neat four-step framework for you. Or an infographic to share that made any of this feel fixable. I don’t. But there are a few small things that have helped ease the overwhelm, at least temporarily.
I’m drawing closer to those immediately around me. Isolation is sometimes the worst thing you can do when you feel down, because it prevents you from receiving the connection and support of those closest to you. So I’m putting my phone down at the dinner table and frequently sharing how I’m feeling with my wife, and asking how I can best support her too.
I am also reaching out to those close to me who are most vulnerable to these raids and asking them how can I best support them. And through my community For The Firsts, I believe I’m helping create a small experience of relief, a space where people can step away from the noise, speak truthfully, and feel less alone. And I think that’s helping.
I feel like I’ve failed you and the purpose of this newsletter with this note. And I do apologize that I’m not in your inbox with a more positive spin on how to turn a negative into a positive, or how to best prepare for your Monday morning all-hands meeting.
But I also want to be more honest with you about how I’m feeling, and I honestly just don’t feel so positive right now.
But there’s always next week.
read previous notes here
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