Fade Into You by Mazzy Star

The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else is probably the best universal advice given to date or— I’ve been watching too much Sex and The City.

I actually haven’t been watching much of anything lately, but I do find myself being shoved Carrie and Big’s most iconic moments on TikTok.

I’m at a coffee shop about to meet a new friend for coffee— this song was playing as soon as I walked in and I felt it was a sweet nudge from the universe.

“This absolutely could be nothing at all, but just in case it is something— here’s a song so you can remember the moment by. I’m proud of you for getting out of the house.”

I’ve noticed something about myself since my mom died and coupled with a divorce— and that something is that it is simply inevitable for things to end. I cling a little more. I equally let go too fast or don’t give things a try at all because the grief of the loss of relationship is harder than staying isolated.

I also know how I respond when I really like someone and many times in my life — with a tale as old as time — I find myself in these romantic possibility situations that I am into people who are not interested in me, but love keeping me around.

It’s the classic — “I’m looking at you while you’re looking at her. He’s looking at me while I’m looking at him— now where does that leave us?” situation.

Just typing that sentence out is exhausting.

What’s more exhausting is the fact that I genuinely do think I’m Carrie Bradshaw out of the girls and I meet a Big and give him a shot way too often.

My attempt to get over this character— is to meet new people as they come and not say no the opportunity with someone who I think is worth giving a chance that is not Big.

But we cave to the dynamics usually because if we’ve been celibate for too long — our bodies and the chemicals in our brains have a funny way of producing a similar effect of amnesia about why something is not compatible.

And instead of taking that at a positive outcome — we search for chemistry, sparks, we blame ourselves and gaslight ourselves into thinking if we just change — if we just stay open minded — if we just accept the barest minimum — a relationship of some kind is possible.

We do this — we all do this.

We are insane.

I do believe there are a lot more nuances to connection than certain TikTok therapy speak or influencers trying to help you understand why he’s just not that into you, but I still find myself consuming an insane amount of “how to date” content and it’s not helpful.

I think we should just breathe.

My goal for the summer dating pool is just to be open. Be receptive. Trust my intuition in every situation. Probably assume the worst. Assume that everyone leaves and give myself permission to not be okay or to be okay when that happens.

My other goal is to stop trying to figure people out— people will either tell you how they feel or they won’t and I have to stick to the information presented—not anything more, not anything less.

We don’t know what we don’t know and no amount of tarot card pulling will predict the future.

So yeah—mazzy star.

We can facade love today if we want.

Whatever connection comes from whatever/wherever — whether that be anxiety, longing, desperation, moving on from someone else, learning something new about yourself or getting to know someone else, a shared moment of intimacy, the hope of a partner, a short term hot fling— whatever it may be— it’s very important that you let your curiosity get the best of you.

Risk heartache— the loser who falls in love (whether they want to or not) always wins.

Love is never wasted.

I think Mazzy would agree.