This STOPS Them Pulling Away From You (Even If They're "Avoidant")

Trust me, I know exactly how it goes…

Everything was going perfectly at first, wasn’t it?

They couldn’t get enough of you.

Making plans.

Calling you beautiful.

Talking about the future.

You were so relaxed, enjoying the feels!

Able to be yourself….

Not overanalysing everything.

You could feel it.

You liked them too.

This one is different, you thought.

Out of nowhere it feels like.

It hits you like a ton of bricks!

Maybe you slept together.

Maybe you opened up emotionally.

Maybe you realised…

“Oh shit… I actually really like this person.”

Everything felt different.

And before you know it, EVERYTHING WAS DIFFERENT.

And you desperately just want to go back to the beginning…

Where you weren’t on edge.

Where you felt good and they were making you feel so special!

And you felt like you had all of their attention.

And no matter what you do…how much you try….

And the anxious voice in your head telling you that you’re losing them.

“How could this be?? What happened?? What did you do??”

You’re desperately searching for the answers.

Because I wish someone had told me this and saved me yeeeeeaaarrrsss of heartbreak.

They didn’t change.

You did.

Before you roll your eyes thinking “No Candice, they did!!!”

Stay with me because what I am about to show you… literally stopped me from being the woman that every man pulled away from…

Heartbreak city!!! I know it well…

Not even when I am being my imperfect, messy self and I’m pregnant so sometimes those hormones just take over you know!!

But he is always there for me open hearted, loving me unconditionally and ready to do whatever he needs to to make things better.

But trust me when I say…. he’s not a magical unicorn that suddenly I just found after 36 years of the same pattern…

It’s because I know EXACTLY what I am about to tell you…

And no, this didn’t just work for me before your mind tries to tell you “it won’t work for you” - you’re not special (said with so much love)

It’s literally transformed thousands of my clients relationships too, over and over again.

So buckle in…

For years I thought I was just attracting avoidants.

“They’re avoidant.”

Everything made sense.

The hot and cold.

The mixed signals.

The disappearing acts.

The relationships that felt incredible one minute…

…and heartbreaking the next.

I stayed in one relationship like that for FOUR YEARS.

If we argued…

Silence.

DAYS of silence.

And I would completely fall apart.

My whole body would go into panic.

Crying my eyes out with pain.

Staring at my phone.

I would do anything to just make the feeling stop.

I needed reassurance.

I needed them to tell me everything was okay.

I needed them to choose me.

Again.

And again.

And again.

It was exhausting.

Then that relationship ended.

They called me crazy when they left… I sure did feel it but I wasn’t and neither are you!

Exactly the same thing.

Different people.

Same story.

I’d meet someone.

We’d have an incredible connection.

They’d tell me they’d never met anyone like me.

We’d text constantly.

I’d think…

“This is different.”

I’d get the dreaded text… you know the one…

“I genuinely think you are so incredible & I have never met anyone like you BUT…”

“I’m not ready for a relationship.”

Or…

“I’m scared of how strongly I feel.”

Or they’d simply disappear. Gone!

Again.

And again.

And again.

So naturally…

Because that’s what everyone else was telling me to do.

But eventually, I had to ask myself…

Different people.

Different circumstances.

Yet somehow…

The same story.

I had friends who got into relationships without living in a constant push-pull cycle.

Commitment was easy for them, they weren’t hearing the same excuses I was.

They weren’t spending every day wondering whether someone still wanted them.

Meanwhile…

Different faces.

Same feeling.

That’s when I realised…

That somehow just seemed to be everywhere I was, like they had a tracker on me or something? LOL!

Maybe there was a pattern.

And maybe…

The pattern was ME.

The Law of Assumption teaches that your assumptions don't simply describe your reality, they create your experience of it.

Even the versions of people that we experience.

Suddenly it all made sense.

I assumed people would pull away from me. I looked for it. It’s all I had known love to be.

Long before I’d even met these people. My childhood attachments were people leaving me or neglecting my needs. I learnt that if I did have needs, or I wasn’t perfect, or didn’t make their happiness my responsability then people would leave me.

So then the narrative became…they’re avoidant. Hell, I probably believed I only attracted avoidants too.

I was selecting more of the version of them I desperately didn’t want.

I know this works because I no longer experience avoidance in my relationships. Neither do the thousands of clients who've been through my programs.

I don’t.

Every time I called someone avoidant…

I expected more avoidance.

I looked for more avoidance.

And I experienced more avoidance.

I thought I was simply describing what had already happened.

But I was continuing to decide who they were.

“They pull away.”

“They’re inconsistent.”

“They’re scared of commitment.”

“They always disappear when things get serious.”

Everything they did was seen through it.

A slower reply meant they were pulling away.

A cancelled plan meant they were losing interest.

A difficult day meant they were becoming distant.

I kept looking at them through the version I had already decided they were…

And kept experiencing more of that version.

But here’s the part I couldn’t see at the time.

I was avoiding myself.

I was abandoning my own needs.

My own peace.

My own life.

My own happiness.

My focus had completely left me…

And landed on them.

Today, I don’t believe those are two separate things.

And it started before they ever appeared to pull away.

It began in a moment so small…

You probably don’t even notice it.

At first you’re relaxed when you first meet them… maybe you’re not even so into them

But things start going well.

You’re enjoying getting to know them.

Maybe you’re intimate.

Maybe you tell them something deeply personal.

Maybe you realise…

“I actually don’t want to lose this person.”

That’s the moment.

You’ve caught feelings.

You’re attached.

There’s nothing wrong with catching feelings.

They leave your house.

Or the date ends.

You get home.

And suddenly…

There’s a feeling in your body.

It’s subtle at first.

But you know it.

That slightly edgy feeling.

That tightness in your chest.

That little voice saying…

“What if they don’t feel the same?”

“Did I do that too soon?”

“Will they still want me tomorrow?”

Nothing has happened.

You haven’t seen any evidence.

“They should be home by now.”

“Maybe they’ll text in a minute.”

“They’re probably just busy.”

Five minutes later…

“They would’ve normally text by now.”

Ten minutes later…

“Maybe I said too much.”

Twenty minutes later…

“I knew this would happen.”

Nothing has changed…

Except you.

You have gone from…

“This feels fun.”

…to…

“I NEED this to work.”

Now, FEAR has entered the chat.

You’re no longer seeing them through the lens of the person who couldn’t get enough of you.

Because that’s what you have experienced before…

But not just as an adult, this all started subsconsciously long before as a child.

And you’re nervous system is preparing you for it.

Trying to protect you from having to feel that familiar pain

But it’s sabotaging you. Destroying the relationships you want.

Creating more of the painful pattern you are ready to break free from.

I can see it so clearly now.

The shift started inside me first.

Every.

Single.

Time.

And once I finally understood that…

Everything changed.

And so do you.

So you might be thinking…

So how do you stop abandoning yourself the moment you catch feelings?

How do you stop expecting and selecting the version of them who pulls away?

And how do you become the version of you who naturally experiences secure, consistent love instead of the same anxious push-pull dynamic?

That’s exactly what I’m going to show you next.

Everything below is the conversation we’d be having if we were sitting opposite each other over an overpriced vanilla iced oat latte with all the trimmings…

The only difference is… this conversation will probably cost you less than the coffee. 😂

Because let’s be honest…

This is usually the point where you’d look at me and ask…

“Okay Candice… but what does this mean?”

“Should I text them?”

“What do I actually do now?”

Instead of spending the next three hours replaying every message, analysing every conversation, and trying to figure it out on your own.

The next part is what I’d tell you.

It’s the exact approach I used to manifest my adoring husband… and the same one that’s helped thousands of my clients stop chasing, stop overthinking, and create secure, healthy relationships.

Please don’t take my word for it…

✨ The 7 signs you've already abandoned yourself (save this checklist so you can catch the pattern before it spirals and poof… they’re gone!)

✨ The exact 3 questions I ask myself every time I notice I’m spiralling (these completely changed how I respond in relationships... and how people respond to me).

✨ Exactly how secure me responds when someone takes six hours to reply... and when they cancel plans (compared to how anxious me used to react).

✨ A simple 7-day challenge to retrain your brain to stop obsessing over them and start feeling like the priority in your own life again.

Because that's when you become theirs too. 😉

✨ Plus one of my favourite Secure Method EFT tapping sessions to regulate your nervous system when someone pulling away has triggered you.

Okay... pull up a chair.

Because this is the part where everything changes.