I Didn’t Achieve What I Wanted To During College and Monsters University Made Me Realize That’s Ok.

It’s June 22 of 2013. I had just finished the 6th grade a week prior and would be in middle school the next school year. For now, I was enjoying the long summer I had ahead of me. The new Monsters University film had just come out and I really wanted to see it. I had basically grown up with Monsters Inc my whole life and was excited to see the prequel to it all. My mom would take me to see the movie and I really enjoyed it. I didn’t think too deep into things and just enjoyed my time watching it. What I didn’t know at the time though is 13 years later as I graduate college, I would be writing about how this little film would make me realize that it was ok that I was having an existential crisis during my time at university.

For those who don’t know, my name is Caleb and I just graduated college with a film degree which are honestly words I didn’t think for a good while I would be hearing from myself. Throughout my life, I remember seeing movies and tv shows showing that college is an exciting time where you get to live some of the best years of your life and make unforgettable memories. But for me, this point of my life was the hardest that I had to deal with and in some cases, I went through the worst moments in my life in that process. At times I wanted to give up and the love that I had for filmmaking went away in this process. While all might have seemed bad, I did find appreciation for life and realize that it’s ok not to achieve everything you want to during college.

Ever since I was a little kid, I loved making short films with whatever I could use to make out of it. Whether it was lego stop motion or using a video game and making skits out of them, it was something I loved doing. I knew ever since I was a kid that I wanted to make movies in my life. So it was an easy choice to decide what I wanted to major in college. As I graduated high school, I was excited to be going to college for film. From what people have said, college is supposed to be the best years of your life and you’re going to meet so many people and it’s going to be amazing, However, before I started something in my life would happen. My dad would be diagnosed with a neurological disease called Multiple System Atrophy and I didn’t know it yet, but my life would be changed forever from this. Despite this, I had a lot of positive energy going into college and I was excited for what was to come.

I started off college by doing a couple years in community college. At first, things seemed fine, but then it took a rocky turn. During my second semester, I would find out my family wanted to move to a different state due to it being so expensive where we were at. With my dad starting to get a bit sicker, I would move with them so I could help take care of him. Then a month before I would move, I would lose my childhood best friend in a car accident. It changed my life dramatically and I will forever miss him. After we moved, it felt so lonely being in a new place where I didn’t know anyone and I missed the people that I knew back at home. As I got accepted to a university near me though, I hoped that maybe I could turn it around for myself.

My start at university started strong. I was able to meet friends, I was getting out more, I had fair paying job, and I was actually getting to chase the filmmaking dream I always had. Then things started to slowly fall apart and the end of 2022 was extremely rough to get through. I was hoping to turn things around during 2023, but it only got so much worse. I would lose my childhood dog earlier in the year. I struggled with depression and anxiety a lot during this time and it was so hard not to think of myself in a negative light. I found out in the middle of the year that my dad would be in hospice care which didn’t hit me at first until later and when it did, I felt lost. I tried to do what I could, but it was hard not to think about everything. Then September came around when it felt like more and more of my life was crumbling all around me. At times, I just wanted to lay down in bed and stay there.

Then my life would change forever on October 13th, 2023 when my dad passed away. My dad was a main inspiration for the way that I love movies today and no matter what, he always supported what I wanted to do. I have memories of him showing me Star Wars and Indiana Jones and it’s something I will never forget. I would show him things I worked on and he would always smile and be proud of what I was able to create. Everything changed for me the day that I lost him. Not only the way I looked at life, but with what I wanted to do.

For months, I tried to distract myself and continue my filmmaking passion. I was creating hoping I could continue that drive in me and make him proud. But deep down, I knew that I wasn’t the same person that I was previously. At a point I realized I had lost passion for what I once loved. It was hard to come to terms with it but once I did. I didn’t know what I was going to do in life. This was the only thing I ever wanted to do in life and now that I had lost any drive for it. I questioned what the point of anything was. I honestly felt like a failure that I couldn’t find the motivation that I wanted to and I was just ready to drop out. It didn’t matter to me. Everything felt useless. Then a film that I saw 13 years ago came back to my life and made me see things in a different light.

Monsters University is a prequel to the 2001 film Monsters, Inc.. The film follows a young Mike Wazowski who’s always dreamed of being the greatest scarer ever and gets his chance to shine when he gets accepted to Monsters University. He meets a young and cocky Sully who says no one will take him seriously and they become rivals in this process. After accidentally destroying the dean of the program’s prized possession, they get kicked out of the scare program. By being forced to work together, they try to get themselves back into it by competing in the scare games where they join up with another group Oozma Kaapa and prove that they have what it takes to be scarers.

Now how these types of films usually go is that the main characters win and prove everyone wrong in the process . However, that’s not exactly the case with this film. It’s revealed that after the final game where Oozma Kaapa won and they are going to be let back into the scare program, Sully had rigged the machine for Mike so he would be able to get easy points. Mike is furious that him and others don’t find him scary and he goes into the human world to finally prove everyone wrong. When he goes into the human world however, the truth finally hits him and he realizes that he’s not what he thought he was. He had worked his whole life to get to this point only to find out that it felt like everything he did was for nothing. After Sully powers a door to get out of the human world with Mike’s help and him proving that he can surprise people, Mike and Sully get expelled from Monsters University. As they are about to go their own ways, Sully tells Mike that he’s way better than he thinks he is and he really has a gift. Eventually, they work their way up from the mailroom at Monsters Inc to the Scare floor where Mike finally gets to work where he’s always wanted to just in a different position than he expected. Mike doesn’t become a scarer at the end, but he still finds a way to keep his dream alive and use a skill that he always had which is being a leader and his incredible knowledge. It made me realize while I didn’t have the same passion I did for filmmaking anymore, I still loved films and wanted something from it.

I spent the summer of 2024 trying to figure out what I really wanted to do. I realized that even though I didn’t want to make films, the passion for wanting to talk about films was still there, so it would lead me out of all films to talk about The Cat in the Hat in a video essay and I really liked doing that. Then I would read Anthony Bourdain’s Kitchen Confidential and not only did it give me a new appreciation for the world, but it made me want to write and it seemed like film should be the thing I could write about. This would lead me starting my film blog and I found something that I really loved doing. It made me happy being able to write and I continue to be happy writing about something I’ve always been passionate about. I found joy again being able to do it and it made me realize I still wanted to finish college so I did. It wasn’t easy and I even failed some classes in the process trying to get back that motivation, but I managed to do it and I’m proud to have been able to.

I feel like I relate to Mike as while I am graduating in the major I wanted to, I didn’t get to achieve what I wanted to during my time at university. I thought I was going to prove myself as a filmmaker and walk out with being this guy that everyone knew how good he was at filmmaking, but this didn’t happen. I think their’s a thing with college about how we have to achieve so much during our time there and in reality, a lot of us are going through a lot and don’t have it figured out. A lot happened during my time in university where it felt like my world was crumbling. However even through it all, I found something that I love doing and will continue to do so. Mike may have not been able to become a scarer, but he still found a way to use the skills he always had and make something out of himself because of it. I feel I was able to make something out of myself with writing and I hope to continue this passion for many years to come.

I write this piece today because I am proud of what I have been able to do despite what life has thrown at me. At many times, I was ready to drop out and give up on everything. But because of the people in my corner and finding what I really wanted from life, I continued and I’m proud of myself for doing it. I wish I could tell that little boy that has so much passion for film that sometimes you’re going to fail and that’s ok. I wish I could tell the ones that aren’t here what I’ve been able to do, but I know they would be proud of me. As Mike walked towards the scare floor of Monsters Inc at the end of Monsters University ready to begin the next chapter of his life, I’m ready to walk toward the next chapter of my life.