There *is* a short-cut to more vitality, but you won't like it

Take it from a personal development junkie: most of the wellness work, the spiritual work, the self-improvement work, is shame avoidance with better branding.

That’s why all your perfect routines, protocols and practices leave you feeling heavy and joyless eventually instead of free.

Your come-from matters (i.e. self-loathing vs love).

We will do almost anything to feel better except the one thing that would actually free us.

Unpacking your shame is the hidden fast-track if you want things to feel different in any area of your life.

But, we are so defended against shame, we often don’t even register that we have any.

🫣 If you had asked me 8 years ago if I carried much shame, I would have said no, why would I? (While feeling a wave of heat and nausea take over my body just at the suggestion because shame does NOT want to be seen and omfg could they see it?)

And yet… it was at the root of everything. The relationship patterns, my chronic health issues, my relationship to money.

Stress is not the silent-killer, shame is. Shame is the most stressful emotion.

That defensiveness you experience when you feel criticized? Shame.

The feeling that keeps you in addiction cycles? Shame.

Why you avoid therapy or coaching when you could afford it? Shame.

What stops you from experiencing more pleasure during sex? Shame.

Why you keep dating down? Shame.

🗝️ Shame alchemy looks like:

-Staying with what makes you want to disappear

-Saying the unsayable, out loud

-Letting yourself be witnessed in what you’ve hidden

-Telling on yourself to someone who can love you, before you punish yourself

-Letting your body shake instead of playing “fine”

-Building real self-esteem by doing esteem-able acts (like bravely turning towards your shame)

It’s also the work no one wants to do.

So we try to fix the things we feel shame about, without talking about the actual shame.

Your biggest fear is that your shame is valid.

That you really are unworthy, unlovable, broken.

That something you do, think, or feel (or did, thought or felt) really does make you bad or a failure.

That people will find out about this part of you (your temper, your vices, your violent thoughts, your collapse, your deviant desires).

I believe in your inherent goodness.

That we are endlessly redeemable.

That everything about you makes sense and is deserving of compassion.

This is the work I do with women.

It’s not easy. But it is the most direct path to more vitality and love that I have found.

It’s the work that works (maybe the only work that really truly changes things).

❤️‍🔥 Your aliveness, your light-heartedness, your joy, your sparkle, your eros… it’s all waiting on the other side of your shame.

I have applications open for Return to Essence Depth Coaching clients now.

Love,

Caite