I love it when women remember who the f*ck they are

I am lost. She has left me. And I don’t know how or where to find her.

I wrote this years ago on a piece of paper—desperate, clawing—after another crying bout, feeling like I’d taken so many wrong turns in life I didn’t even feel like myself anymore.

I was talking about myself.

I was sending a letter out to myself to wonder where the f*ck I had gone.

I took a deep breath, then put the tip of the pen to paper again.

I need to go find her.

We all, I think, have chapters of our lives where we wander so far away from ourselves we feel like we can never find our way back to who we are at the core. The raw spirit. The real us. It happens in so many ways, and yours might be different from mine. We lose her when we chronically fulfill the desires other people have for us instead of focusing on our own goals and dreams. We lose her when we stay too long in places we’ve outgrown. When we surround ourselves with people or spaces that aren’t good for our souls. When we let fear make all our decisions. When self-doubt makes us hunch over and slink around corners in life.

I’m here to tell you: you can always find your way back to yourself. To who you were. To who you’re meant to be. Even if you can’t feel her right now, she is there, and you can pull her back to you—no matter how long it has been since you felt her life force in your veins. She loves you more than anything and she’s seeking you too, always.

You call her back through movement, through sweating—reminding your body that you’re alive, electric, here. You reconnect with her by embracing the things you adored when you were 13 but abandoned when others judged them. She comes closer when she sees you being silly, laughing your ass off with people who love you to your bones. She reaches out a tender hand when you’re being honest—with yourself and others—even when it’s hard and changes your reality.

You reclaim her by putting yourself around people who don’t make you bend and warp who you are. Through new activities that push your limits. Through creativity and curiosity. Through interesting places and spaces.

She will show you how, and it may take time, and it never happens at once. But if you feel like you’ve wandered too far away from her- it’s never too late to go get her.

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