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Spark | by Suhailah is A Monthly Personal Growth & Transformation Newsletter providing you with tools and personal stories & insights to help you feel better—and to feel, better. Let’s embark on this journey of self-discovery and awakening together, embracing emotional and mental freedom.

“It’s about us learning to claim presence in the exact place where control collapses.” ~ Suhailah

“My great religion is a belief in the blood, the flesh, as being wiser than the intellect.” ~ D.H. Lawrence

“The body says what words cannot.” ~ Martha Graham

I trust the intelligence of my body and the wisdom of this moment.

To rebuild, the body must first remember what it feels like to fall.

In our culture, it is very common to do everything we possibly can to avoid feeling anything except what we perceive to be the good stuff. We have a habit of thinking of everything, including our feelings, as right or wrong, good or bad, and I also talked about some of this in my podcast episode Reframe back in August.

As someone who has always had clear feeling, or what is known as being clairsentient, I feel everything first like I am an antennae and before a single word is spoken.

The way that I describe this is that I see with my feelings. For me, I never get a break with this, meaning it’s not something I can turn on or off. I used to think this was everyone’s experience until I was “today years old” (as they say…and relatively speaking in terms of “today”) when I realized that it’s not.

I often would think, “Why are they not seeing what I see?” - me thinking that what I was seeing was with my eyes and so, “We’re all looking at the same thing, no?” I now know that what I meant was why weren’t they interpreting through feeling (as opposed to intellect) as I was. So, why are they not feeling what I see was the real question my soul longed to know. I know now that this gift of feeling and my path was meant to be my own for a reason, but what I’m saying here in this newsletter still stands.

Awareness lives in sensation.

Feelings are our guides, thoughts create, and Rebuilding—the theme for my newsletters this year—is rarely linear in the way I just typed those three ideas. After the collapse, it must move from just surviving to sensing to synthesizing.

In last month’s issue, Fall and Flight, I retell a nighttime dream I recently had which was the basis for that entire newsletter. The act of falling or jumping off the mountain’s edge as I did in that dream mirrors the tension of rebuilding where the collapse and the rise exist together.

The focal point of that dream was on every single sensation that I felt while the dream story unfolded. Go back and read it if you haven’t already so you have context and understanding for what I’m saying now.

In that dream, it was my intense visceral awareness that began at that cliff’s edge: all that I felt come up in my body, my bodily awareness, my sensations as I descended, and the moment I recognized flight (the rise) as my feet hit and so felt the sensation of the ocean’s bottom grounding me (and catching my fall), which all happened at the same moment. All of these things became the seeds of embodiment. And these two things: Embodiment & Awareness, are the topic of this month’s newsletter issue.

Everything in that dream was about my sensations…and so my awareness…and this is the thing that guided me. And it did not need language to do so because there was not a single word spoken in that entire dream.

For me, the dreamer and the one who remembered the dream after, that sensory experience was not metaphoric. I felt it in the dream and when I woke up. So that entire dream-story is what it looks like to feel truth through sensation and not language. It was embodied and what is also meant by somatic. (btw, Somatic healing is a form of healing if you want to research that, and especially if you are averse to something like talk therapy but are looking for assistance on your own healing journey.)

The body doesn’t need prior experiences to respond, and even a completely new experience triggers full somatic awareness: muscles, breathing, heart rate, temperature, and instinctive attention all react at the same time.

This dream showed me perceiving my internal states and what felt to me like every bodily cue known to man. So when I say, as I started this newsletter with - to rebuild, the body must first remember what it feels like to fall - this is not about nostalgia or trauma recall or reliving something scary or traumatic. It’s the emotional and psychological permission to rebuild (to rise) from truth, not denial. This is about wisdom.

It’s about us learning to claim presence in the exact place where control collapses. And in that dream, the fall/jump…the drop itself…was my teacher as I claimed this presence that I speak of. There was no memory, no rehearsal, no previous trauma. My body was learning real-time in the moment.

My newsletter in October and that dream I shared set us up for the last three months of this year and this newsletter for November, which, as I said, is about embodiment and awareness. And I mean embodiment and awareness not as abstract ideas, but as lived and felt experiences as I did through my dream self and within the dream itself. Because in that dream I was literally in my body (embodiment), and conscious of what was happening as it unfolded (complete and absolute awareness), that dream also illustrates these two things in motion. It showed how bodily awareness arises spontaneously when the body is fully engaged.

Without prior experience or prior conditioning, the body is completely capable of registering, processing, and responding in real time. This doesn’t mean that every intense experience is traumatic. Rather, it shows how the body can engage fully in the moment, and that an intense experience does not automatically become traumatic afterwards.

In fact, it is often our body’s ability to feel and process these things as they are happening that allows us not to have to experience it as trauma later. This is the gateway to embodiment. Awareness doesn’t have to be cultivated only after pain, it emerges in the intensity of the moment itself. And it can feel thrilling during and afterwards in the best possible way. The opposite of this is what they call being dissociated (not “being” in your body at all), which is a topic for another day.

Although I used that dream as the basis for last month’s newsletter and what I am now writing here, last month’s topic of Resilience was focused on the jolt, the surrender, and the discovery of my inner strength through and because of that jump…the fall.

With this issue, I want to drive home that embodiment is the ground where resilience becomes conscious. And it can begin by fully inhabiting a moment we’ve never experienced before. No need to be afraid. The body learns the immediacy through sensation, before thought, before reaction.

While my feelings and sensations were in and through that entire dream no matter which angle we look at it from, my awareness was the entry point into the physical and emotional self, and it stayed with me the whole time before and through the turbulence and the fall, which was actually quite smooth (the fall itself) in that dream. So I am speaking of internal turbulence here.

When it comes to rebuilding, awareness & embodiment is the phase of deep listening. And I mean deep, deep listening. Just in how I described my seeing earlier having little to do with my eyes, this kind of listening has little to do with hearing with our ears. It’s about just really, really, really paying attention to what the whole of our being is trying to tell us.

Different than hypervigilance, where we are scanning for cues of outside threats based on past trauma and might register fear for a different kind of reason, even a baby who has experienced no trauma at all can understand the sensations I experienced and write about in and from that dream.

And so what I am talking about here is where we are so one with ourselves, God, the rhythm of the universe, and the certainty of being on and in sync with planet Earth herself, that even though we might be or feel like we are falling or falling apart, somehow we still are able to feel and know that the ground will appear beneath us when we need it. And so we resist nothing that occurs. Because we are listening…to our body, breath, intuition, nervous system…as we also register the world around us, not in denial or struggle but in surrender. And so this also requires trust.

In next month’s issue to end the year, I’ll cover how this looks as integration (the topic of next month and as the calendar year of 2025 comes to a close). But for now, let’s start and move through November with this self-inquiry and embodied practice:

What if awareness is not about observing from afar, but listening from within?

(By the way, I researched and the part of the brain associated with this topic is the Somatosensory Cortex and the Insula. I now realize that this is where the word Somatic in somatic healing—which I have done before on several occasions—comes from. Proof that we can learn something new every day.)

Know that everything we’re doing here in this newsletter, with any of the things I talk about in my podcast, or anything else that I do and encourage, is an act and an invitation of self-love.

I hope you know that no matter what is happening in your life right now that requires you to rebuild—whether it came from out of nowhere or you made the conscious decision to tear it all down and start again—us paying attention to and tending to ourselves in these ways is a beautiful thing. It is also one of the most courageous things we will ever do. I know sometimes we want to avoid the journey and just get to the finish line or the “good stuff,” but the good stuff is really and truly in the journey. It builds character and it builds us. From the inside out. Try to enjoy it.

Have a beautiful November.

~ Suhailah 🧡 💫

My purpose here in this lifetime is to help others remember who they are, what they came to create, and then to provide examples and tools to help them do these things. Click HERE to see everything at once, click HERE to explore my company website and learn more about what I do, and feel free to share any or all with anyone who might find anything useful. Also, my latest episode (Episodes #16) of Grow with Me by Suhailah, titled Wrong Music. Right Scene. is available below and across all platforms. Click the link to listen:

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