The lessons that death has taught me

One of the greatest lessons I’ve learned since losing my husband is anchored on the idea of sovereignty. Death is a most destabilizing event for those who witness it and who are left behind. It startles and shocks like a bomb dropped from above during a surprise nighttime attack. It destroys everything around you and then shrouds you in darkness.

Death demands strength — and patience, and a mighty dose of strategy and wisdom — to dig out from under the rubble. It requires clarity of mind to know, as you assess the damage, that there’s no patching the pieces back together. To move forward after death is to accept and embrace that what comes next will look very little like what came before it.

What happened in Venezuela over the weekend got me thinking a lot about sovereignty. Despots, tyrants, monarchs and dictators all operate in spaces where autonomy does not exist because autonomy breeds empowerment, and there’s no control when there is empowerment. Abusers operate the same way, down to making you believe that they do what they do out of care, love and respect for you. They know what is best.

Share

For a while, death, a surprise interloper, had me believe I needed its constant reminders to mold my next steps. I acquiesced to its presence, let it define me, allowed it to lord over my choices and actions. It took time to feel the weight of death’s grip on me. Death didn’t dim my light, no, but it did manipulate the spotlight within to reveal only select parts of me.

Death is a cunning, ruthless enemy. As such, it must be confronted, battled against and vanquished. And the best way to vanquish a cunning, ruthless enemy is to stand your ground, reassert control and chart your own path forward. Trust me on that. That’s exactly what I’ve done.

If you’re new here, welcome. If you’ve been by my side on this journey, we’ll be walking on solid ground this year. I’ll be sharing the lessons that death has taught me — a lesson a month, occasional dispatches each month. This month’s is about regaining my sovereignty, a timely topic. More to come next week.

With love and purpose always,

Fernanda