What I've Noticed About Moms Who Seem Less Stressed

I recently posted a short list on Instagram about something I’ve noticed over the years: some mothers seem less stressed than others. Not necessarily carefree. Not perfectly organized. Not sitting in spotless homes while their children quietly color at the kitchen table. Just… less stressed.

As someone who spends most days talking to women and my evenings raising young children, I've become fascinated by the habits and mindsets that seem to make motherhood feel lighter. And the more I think about it, the more I realize it has very little to do with personality.

Here are five things I’ve noticed.

They know which hills matter and they save their energy for the things they truly care about and let the rest go. My favorite question is, “What are you cooking for dinner?” And I am here to tell you a lot of moms aren’t landing on the most perfectly balanced meal. Or maybe their child wore a mismatched outfit to school. Or bedtime happened thirty minutes later than planned. The point is that not every moment requires correction.

And this one is hard for me. I like things done well. I like a clean house and routines. I like order.

But I’ve noticed that the mothers who seem the most overwhelmed are often carrying impossibly high standards for every area of life at the same time. Me. That’s me. The house… meals… work… activities.. holidays… relationships… the list goes on, and something eventually has to give.

The mothers who seem less stressed have often decided in advance where “good enough” is enough.

One of the biggest surprises for me has been realizing that many of the women who appear to have it all together aren’t necessarily doing more. They’re actually doing less, but in a “think smarter, not harder way.” They order groceries. They hire help when they can. Somewhere along the way, motherhood became tangled up with the idea that doing everything yourself is somehow more virtuous and I’m not convinced thats true. So if you are me, I recommend just ordering the groceries.

And I hope no one takes offense to this, but I’ve noticed that the happiest mothers seem to maintain a small part of themselves that belongs only to them. And that’s REALLY HARD to balance. Maybe it’s a career, maybe a hobby, tennis lessons, maybe friendships.

Their entire sense of worth isn’t dependent on being needed every minute of every day.

And because of that, they seem to show up with more patience and less resentment.

And this one might be the heaviest hitter. People will always have something to say. You work too much. You don’t work enough. You’re too strict. You’re to relaxed. Have a sleep schedule. Kids don’t need a sleep schedule.

There is no version of motherhood where everyone approves.

The mothers who seem less stressed appear to understand this. They make the best decision they can with the information they have, and then they move forward. And the really don’t care what others might say.

I don’t write this because I’ve mastered any of it. I’m honestly writing these because these are the exact areas I should work on.

But these are the patterns I keep noticing. The goal isn’t to be a stress free mother, but maybe just one who carries a little less of what was never hers to carry in the first place.