Five mistakes I've made as a working mom

It’s that time of year where I’m convinced, every working mom has an existential crisis. The point in time where she asks herself, “What exactly am I doing?”

It starts with the Halloween parade that is conveniently scheduled at 10 am on a Wednesday, followed by the Thanksgiving classroom feast (that you can’t make), leading up to the holiday early dismissals and mid-afternoon Christmas concerts - that you of course want to be at, but how the hell are you going to sneak out at 2 pm… again. Not to mention the ordering and mailing of Christmas cards, completing the Santa shopping, figuring out Christmas outfits (for yourself too), and holding the entire family’s emotional temperature steady while pretending you’re totally fine.

It’s the season when the invisible load stops being invisible, because suddenly it’s printed on the refrigerator calendar in bold font. And somewhere between the third “Who’s picking me up from school today?” (dismissal for my three year old is at 12 pm) and your fifteenth calendar reminder of the day, you start interrogating every choice you’ve made since becoming a parent. I know this because I’m doing it and in fact, I’ve been asking every female patient if she’s doing it too. And through my extensive research, nearly 99% of my working moms I talk to are doing it too.

But before I continue, two things can be true at once; you can love your job and still feel a deep pull to be with your kids. Missing them doesn’t mean you don’t want to work, and wanting to work doesn’t mean you love them any less.

And in that spirit, here are the five biggest mistakes I have made as a working mom…

1. Letting guilt make the decisions. It looks like overcommitting, over-explaining, and overlooking your own wins. It’s as if wanting time, space, or support needs a thesis-level justification. You’re so focused on what you aren’t doing, that you miss everything you are doing.

2. Ignoring my own identity outside of motherhood and work. Hobbies you once loved get pushed aside, friendships fade because you “don’t have time,” and personal goals feel downright indulgent. And if I’m really speaking honestly, your marriage suffers. Date nights get postponed, meaningful conversations shrink to logistics and to-do lists, and your partner starts feeling like a co-parent rather than a life partner. Carving out time for yourself isn’t selfish, but it sure can feel that way.

3. Assuming career growth has to wait. You convince yourself that stepping up for a promotion, taking on a new project, or saying yes to a career opportunity will automatically throw your carefully balanced life into chaos. So you hold back, thinking you’re protecting your family and preserving sanity, when in reality, you’re just shortchanging your own potential and undervaluing your skills. I do believe career growth doesn’t have to come at the expense of your family; but it does come with planning, boundaries, and a little creative problem-solving to expand your professional life while keeping your home life intact.

4. Apologizing for parenting. You find yourself saying sorry for leaving work a little early, for taking a half day when your child is sick, or saying no to an event. Over time, this constant apologizing chips away at your confidence and reinforces the idea that your personal life is secondary to your professional one. They can coexist. It’s apart of you.

5. Rushing through the moments that matter. I’ve hurried bedtime, rushed playtime, and tried to multitask my way through the evening bedtime routine. In the pursuit of getting everything done, the small, irreplaceable moments, the giggles, the questions, the wrestling, often slip by unnoticed.

The holiday season and end of the year… is crazy. Personally, professionally, any which way you look at it. Being a working mom comes with a constant balancing act. Letting go of guilt, setting boundaries, protecting personal time, and slowing down during the moments that matter doesn’t make anyone less dedicated; it makes life more sustainable and meaningful.