open relationship wifey

i picked her up at the hama sushi in venice. she was beautiful, with long hair, and long legs. at first i was annoyed with her because she took her sweet ass time getting into the car, still talking with the asian dude who i thought she might had been dining with.

after they hugged goodbye, she picked up the pace to get to the car which was appreciated

we were heading to hollywood. my neck of the woods. which is why i didnt cancel and drive off.

mandy?

that's me! sorry to keep you, she said and hopped in. as we fastened our seatbelts i asked and gestured to the dude walking to his beamer

so was that a date?

thats a tricky question since im married, she giggled. then said, but yes. sort of.

mandy! i feigned. scandal!

it's ok, she said, im in an open relationship.

oh then, thank heavens.

we drove through what were once the canals of venice. then over to lincoln towards the 405. along the way she told her origin story, but trust me, i was gonna get back to this open relationship business. because… so many questions!

as she loudly talked, i could smell a few of the sake bombs she had paired with the sashimi. i wanted to take this slow. when we got on the freeway i said,

ok. now im curious about open relationships, because ive only heard about the pitfalls. then again, maybe people don't want to brag.

100 percent, she said. if you brag, you'll come across as some weird sex fiend or a slut or people wont believe you have a good marriage at home. but honestly, i married my guy because he was open to this.

who would object, i asked? are some men not thrilled to have their cake and eat it too?

you'd be surprised, she said. i thought i had a good guy until he saw me get a dick pic. he got real serious and asked, what the fuck is that?

thats an odd question, i asked, what is that? its how men communicate timmy.

she laughed, and said, we broke up shortly after that meltdown. some guys are all talk. but then i found the man who would become my husband.

i wasn't even supposed to be out that night, but ive been getting a lot of private rides from people who want me to take them or their friends to the airport. i give them 20% off whatever uber’s charging. sometimes they tip me on top of it, so everyone wins. but then im on the westside looking to get back home. thats how i ended up in venice with this ravishing polish princess who i hadn’t noticed was hiccupping.

ive got some water bottles in the back there, i told her aiming my thumb to the rear.

dont look, she said laughing, and bent over the rear seats and stretched her arms as far as she could. she flashed my rear view mirror which i absolutely was not looking at. but i was tempted. mama mia was i tempted.

bottle retrieved, she exhaled, cracked open the top and shotgunned half of it like a champ.

i admire you, because i couldn't be in an open relationship, i said as she waited for the next hiccup. i hate lying and id have to lie to my wife after each rendezvous.

lie about what? mandy asked, suddenly relieved her hiccups were cured.

id have to say something like, oh im so glad to be home. yeah she was hot, but she smelled like hot garbage, also there was no chemistry. hun, i could barely get hard. the only way i could finish was to think about you.

mandy laughed and then said, awww thats sweet, but i want my husband to get off. im rooting for him. he's rooting for me too.

there's not one bit of jealousy?

no, because we started out like this. we've seen each other with sexy people. we've done the swingers thing. we've brought people home. we've gone out on separate dates. and i know he's my soulmate. im confident that even if he gets his rocks off in wild ways, she won't connect with him in all the other ways like i can. it's just sex for a little while.

you should write a book, i said.

ha.

have you read any books about this?

no. but surely they’ve been written

ok, i asked, now forgive me for getting a little personal. you dont have to answer, but i would imagine that even with your soulmate, and trust me, i believe you when you say he is yours... but i bet there are some things that are a lot easier to do with a stranger, especially one you will never see again, that you wouldn't be able to do with your husband. true?

absolutely, she said, smiling.

i’m way into this for some reason. so what things can you do with other guys that you can’t do with your husband?

she asked, do you mean role play?

that, or anything, i clarified. maybe theres something youve never done with your real man before that you want to try out with sushi man first. or maybe you want to say something super dirty or really gross that you would feel embarrassed saying to the love of your life. but it would be ok with joe random because he just scored in a major way.

oh, i hear you, she said. no, none of those things, but i am a closeted actress, like it’s something i wish i was great at but im not. i get nervous in public. but i can pretend in bed. so i love love love to role play, she sang, throwing her head back dramatically. then laughed.

i put the car in robot mode as we got onto the 10. i wanted to be safe as she told me these things. and i never wanted her to stop.

there are two times when i look at the time remaining on a trip: when i can’t wait for it to be over and when i wish it would go on forever.

she continued:

if i want to pretend im the naughty college grad student persuading her professor to extend the deadline of her assignment, i really cant do that with my 33-year-old husband. i need a 50something man to be the professor.

oh, i said, suddenly a thousand times thrilled to be fiftysomething.

ive learned a lot by being with this man, and being with men who are not my man, she said, yawning as it’d been a long night.

whats the best thing youve learned? i asked.

when a guy knows that you are just there for one reason and you're going home to your husband right afterwards, you can be as selfish as you want... with everything. and you should be.

selfish?

especially with time, which is the most valuable thing we can give each other. even more so than my body. so if my libido is cranking, which it often is, i can do my thing for as long as i want with another man. i can be selfish. borderline rude. because who cares if he's tired or thinks im a ho? and who cares if he gets mad after i get off and go home in 20 minutes? if it was a real date, i'd have to pretend and laugh at his jokes. and if it was my man i would be working on ways to make him fully satisfied.

are we ever fully satisfied? i asked.

my man is, she said in a way that was convincing.

mandy, you're incredible.

and that's the other thing: it's very easy to catch feelings, she said. so if they or we or i start feeling things, then it's over. immediately. there's no room for that. this is just play time. for a short time.

please write this book girl.

ok, maybe i will.