On Grief

I lost a dear friend quite suddenly about a month ago. Before him was another about three years ago. Each nearly 30 years of friendship. I’m not quite ready to talk about them in detail but the most recent death really left me shattered. It felt like grief, compounded.

I have been processing grief for a few years, on and off, and writing about it really helps. I wrote this piece a few weeks ago… I wasn’t quite sure if I was ready to share it. But… I have seen quite a few friends on my social media feed grieving the loss of loved ones, and I have talked to a couple of friends recently in their own depth of grief. It feels selfish to hold on to this piece. So I am letting it go.

I’ve often felt that words choose the author through whom they are birthed into the world; I’ve often felt like a vessel through which words are born. I feel that way about this. These words are not mine to keep.

If you are going through your grief journey, I hope you feel seen. I hope you feel less alone. And I wish you healing. ❤️

Love,

Bunmi

Grief

A heart breaking

A soul wailing, and wailing, and… wailing

Feels like ragged breath caught in your throat

Breath feels heavy, logged

Waterlogged by tears long held at bay 

They now threaten to spill

You cough 

To release the tears-logged grief nesting in your chest

It rises to your throat

You cough 

Lest you choke on this grief, the size of the love you have

The size of the love you’ve lost

You delay your mourning

For fear

You allow bite-sized grief and gasping tears that cause your shoulders to round

As if to protect your tender heart… 

Too late for that now

It is shattered

So you allow scoops

You scoop tiny mounds from the growing landfill of sadness

Each scoop leaving behind a growing gaping hole

What shall fill it now?

You can't afford to feel the full weight of this grief

This pain, this ache

For fear

It just might cripple you and you may never recover

For fear

It just might crush you

Like a boulder

For fear

It just might flatten your already broken heart