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remember the fear. remember death. parody it until the flame perishes and the sun rises. there is no goodness and no kindness. no love and no admiration. as the sun warms the ground, it scorches the flowers and evaporates the streams. i’m thinking about the masks and imagery of gods. no caring mothers, no benevolent fathers. no loyal sisters, no faithful brothers. instead, they are jaguars,…
from my notes few days ago here i am. sitting in my bathtub. cooling my head. typing on my phone. word after word as i did on many phones before this one. i think one of the reasons why i love wes anderson is the way he shows bathrooms. a personal fort to retreat to, smoke, and work. i always loved our old bathroom with rooftop windows, a heated floor, and a nice tattered armchair. i remember…
more of a well brewed contemplation, rather than a response. i think it is indeed amazing. but not at all magical, or worth celebrating. i think a lot about the human tendency to intensify and compress things until they burst, destroying not only themselves but everything around them. i miss wells. i miss how special and sacred, yet mundane, those places were. in every courtyard. near fields or…
i always had a problem with languages. i never learned any of them well enough to feel comfortable expressing myself. how does anyone even learn a language? it is such a broad and complicated system. words, tenses, expressions, meanings, tropes. all of it amasses into an enormous complexity that is as incomprehensible as it is intuitive. you learn to feel the language. you learn its prismatic…
coooold. well at least i thought it would be cold. morning was lazy and vibrant. i had my hoodie on. and a cup of coffee. very nice indeed. did nothing at work today. well… maybe i’ve worked for like 10 minutes. the funny thing is i have the same attitude to work as i did to school. i only do the fun parts. everything else burns slowly on the background. or someone else decides to fix it. anyway…
sunny today. blue sky covered with bright clouds illuminated with liquid gold. i’m watching tv all day. old series directly from childhood. still remember the pirate CD stack gifted by the uncle. the most random collection of movies shows and animation the world ever seen. random work calls. deciding which photos will go into the second issue. i feel weird doing this. still postponing the…
june 9th. early morning. another rainy day. i don’t remember the alarm ringing. waking up into another dream. ash-grey smoke and milky-green glass behind the train’s window. the smell of dry grass after the storm. humid, electrified air. tiger lilies in bloom. it is cold, and the scent changes as i walk. i can hear finches and blackbirds somewhere high in the treetops. the same red pine at the…
it’s monday. the beginning of summer. time feels sloppy, almost shapeless, as if it has carelessly slipped out of its own measure, spilling over the tall grass fields with the breath of wind. i feel it morphing, changing within itself, yet partly always remaining hidden, like the 13th stone in a sand garden. like the dark side of the moon. i went to work as usual. lost. disoriented. sometimes i…