Come Pack With me

Good morning from the post-London-marathon-pain-cave I have existed in for the last 36 hours or so… my legs hurt to the point that it is painful lowering myself onto the loo, my boobs keep rubbing against the bra chafing on my stomach… AND I HAVEN’T PACKED FOR A WEEK LONG BOOK TOUR THAT I LEAVE FOR IN LESS THAN THREE HOURS.

Does this sound at all relatable?

I’m looking forward to this People Pleaser book tour immensely. Firstly, I get to see YOU (hopefully? There’s a few tickets left here!), and secondly, I get to stay in a hotel every night, undisturbed by the need to look after my child or cook for myself. I can watch what I want on Netflix, I can starfish in the bed, and I don’t have to do any marathon training runs. This is exactly what Olivia Greenwood, the heroine of People Pleaser, would want for me. It’s what she wants for all of us, actually.

So here I’m going to share the things I will be packing, to turn my nights in motorway service station hotels into luxurious time for ME. I’m channelling my inner Olivia Greenwood, and I encourage you to do the same, even if the furthest you can get from everyone is the downstairs loo, which you’ve had to lock yourself in. Here are my essentials:

• The tiny, travel-size pot of Elemis Pro-Collagen Green Fig Cleansing Balm that I bought in Duty Free, and now use only on work trips in an attempt to convince myself I am in Greece, and not a Travelodge off a motorway.

• My decade-old Kindle, which is still going strong, a bit like me at mile 23 on Sunday (gosh, that marathon is a whole other Substack post, I swear). I’m going to be reading some woo-woo to calm my nervous system, but I suggest you read People Pleaser, obvs.

• Sheet masks and under-eye patches (any brand will do). Do they do anything to my skin? Haven’t a clue. Do they make me feel nice and allow me to pretend for one brief moment that I am a glamorous human? Abso-f*cking-lutely.

• Sudocrem for the post-marathon chafing on my chest (my thighs were absolutely fine, thanks for asking).

• A tiny bottle of Jo Malone bath oil I got for Christmas and saved for absolutely this moment, to make it feel like I am staying in a five star hotel. (I’m not).

• My HRT, and anti-depressants. No explanation needed.

• My tweezers, for the satisfying daily pluck of all the chin hairs that seem to show up overnight. Every night.

• A vibrator.

And that’s it. Will definitely pack some leopard print clothes, and will definitely not be packing my running trainers. What would you take if you had five nights away by yourself? Let me know in the comments below!