Dispatches from the Tariff Front No. 3

Ottawa will impose a 50% tariff on American perfumes and toilet waters.

Beginning September 8, Canadians will be encouraged to smell worse for their country. Every unscented elevator ride, crowded bus and poorly ventilated office will deliver another crushing blow to Washington.

Then there is California-based Guy Fox.

Since the Prime Minister’s wife was born Diana Fox, Ottawa may create a Fox Family Fragrance Exemption. This would not be preferential treatment. It would be a targeted Household Fragrance Continuity Measure for Canadians living closest to power.

Everyone else can make the patriotic sacrifice: ordinary Canadians will give up smelling pleasant, while Ottawa continues pretending its shit doesn’t stink.

Economists call it retaliation.

Commuters will call it September.

Ordinary people call it “the same bill, delivered by a different idiot.”

Trump gets the message. Canadians get the bill. Ottawa gets the revenue.

The machinery of taxation arrived fully assembled. The evidence explaining why it was necessary is apparently still on back order.