Dispatches from the Tariff Front No. 2

Ottawa will impose tariffs of up to 50% on American toilet paper and facial tissue.

Appropriately, this is Dispatch No. 2.

If the trade war makes you cry, or causes another urgent bodily reaction. the government has arranged to profit from both ends.

Will the countdown to September 8 bring back the Great Toilet Paper Runs of 2020?

Perhaps Ottawa could launch a multibillion-dollar Trade Agreement Relief Program, subsidizing Cottonelle to print the latest draft on extra-soft two-ply. Corporate welfare, affordability relief and a practical use for the agreement—all in one press conference.

Will it be redacted?

Apparently, some embarrassing material is too sensitive even for toilet paper.

Either way, the only one cleaning up will be Ottawa.

The machinery of taxation arrived fully assembled. The evidence explaining why it was necessary is apparently still on back order.