The one where I met a braver version of myself

November 17, 2025

Maybe you got that promotion, or on the other end of that spectrum, proudly walked away from a job that was no longer a fit. Maybe it was a physical accomplishment like running a marathon or even a 5k. Whatever the thing, at some point you looked back and saw how far you’d come?

Recently, I realized I’m braver than I was before we went on this expat adventure. I’ve hated almost every trial we’ve faced (and continue to face) in Nigeria. But I’m realizing I have these trials to thank for the person I’m becoming.

Even the awful traffic.

Courage wasn’t something I asked for or even wanted. Rather it was a transformation out of necessity. A product required for survival.

Best-selling author, You Tuber and psychologist, Jordan Peterson defines becoming braver in two ways in this video. First, he says, becoming braver is not the same as being naive (not knowing what you’re getting into). And second, being braver is not the same as being less afraid. Becoming braver, rather, is understanding the stressors and fears you may face and yet willingly moving towards them.

According to an article by Psychology Today, Five ways to cultivate bravery are:

1. Embracing uncertainty

2. Release expectations

3. Lean into discomfort

4. Learn to stay (even if its uncomfortable)

5. Keep moving forward.

I supposed living in Nigeria has forced me to do all 5 of these many times over. Often times accompanied by tears and cuss words.

Not long after my stitches incident, the boys and I left the country for our own Fall break. CJ couldn’t join us because of his work schedule. I entertained staying on home even though the boys didn’t have school for the week and there’s few options for entertainment here. This would’ve been the easier and certainly more cost-effective thing to do, but instead, I booked us a week at Eftling. Known as the “Dutch Disneyland,” Eftling, has been on my places-to-visit list for a while.

Before we left, anxiety set up a campsite in my head. As Jordan Peterson discusses, I was well aware of the fears and stressors of this trip. Flying out of the Lagos airport is concerning even when I’m not solo-parenting. And once we landed in Amsterdam, we’d still be 2-hours away from Eftling. Getting there would require taking a local train, followed by a bus and then a short walk. And to be honest, I struggle with knowing my right from my left.

This trip, I’d be forced to figure all this out. And I wasn’t sure I could do it.

So, you can imagine my shock and joy when after a red-eye flight, I not only managed to identify out my right from left, but was able to get myself, two children (4 and 8) and three bags to Eftling without issue.

OK. There were some issues.

The Amsterdam airport Starbucks was out of Pumpkin Spice syrup (why?!), and my kids attempted to murder each other a few times during the journey. But there were no big issues.

Also. Don’t judge me on the bags. We could’ve done the trip with two. But when you’re heading to a land where high-quality cheese and chocolate are in abundance and coming from a land where such things don’t exist, you need extra luggage space. It’s basic travel math.

Here’s the cool thing about having more bags than I could physically carry - it opened a small window to see how kind humanity can be. Random people offered to help me with my bags from Lagos to Eftling.

Eftling was amazing and I 10/10 recommend it. It’s known for its dark rides - which are the fun inside rides that take you through a journey of sorts. I tried (unsuccessfully) to understand the fantastical Dutch storylines that went with many of the rides. But here’s something else I’ve learned from 2.5 years of living abroad: you don’t have to understand something to love it.

In general, Eftling offered a week of welcome entertainment and joy for the boys. But for me personally, Eftling unveiled a quiet truth: I’m not who I was when we moved here. I’m a braver version of who I was. One who can navigate foreign trains and buses, shepherd two small humans across continents, and on occasion, even tell her left from her right.

PS. Dutch cheese is the best.

And while it doesn’t seem like my favorite Dutch cheese company ships to the US (sorry guys), my favorite Dutch chocolate bar company does!

You can click here to order Tony’s Chocoloney! I’ve also seen it at Wholefoods on occasion. You can even order custom bars and custom wrappers (how cool is that?!). Note: the custom bars and wrappers have a 3-week lead time but would make a really cool gift for friends or a work team!

1. Please send me a Christmas card! Our snail mail address is based in California and magically it makes it to us here in Nigeria (usually around mid-February). These are my FAVORTIE to receive. Send it to: House 79/Rose, PO Box 6050 C/O NIG-1 LAGOS POUCH, San Ramon, CA, 94583

2. Camp is SO busy this time of year. Since the last newsletter, we’ve celebrated Lekki camp Halloween, had a badminton mixer (CJ won along with another campmate), and had a camp Bazaar! If you’re wondering why this Newsletter is a few weeks tardy, I blame all the camp activities mentioned above!

3. Traffic is worse than ever, ever, ever. This school year the kids’ bus roll-out time is 6:10 AM to get to school that starts at 7:30 AM. Last year, we had the divine luxury of leaving camp at 6:25 AM. And I thought that was early! To make matters worse we just got notice from the Lagos government that they will be starting construction this week. When does the construction end? Per the goverment notice July of 2026.

   I only tell you all this to gather as much pity as feasibly possible. Us non-morning people are not OK. Send strong coffee and prayers like those of Moses when he parted the Red sea. Prayers on this level are the only hope for the Lekki Expressway.

4. If you’re still reading, you must be a true fan, which is why I saved the best for last. Recently, I was interviewed for the Expat Diaries Substack. If you want to watch our interview which talks about how I ended up in Nigeria, you can see it here. And if you enjoy hearing expat stories, please give Vivian a follow. I really love her tag line, “Leaving home. Finding home.”