We spent the past four days in Nashville having the BEST time with our friends Courtney and Steve. We ate (a lot), we drank (so much), we went to a Pilates class (once). The last day of our trip I woke with a tweaked shoulder and a chemical imbalance from too much fun and abs too weak to properly support my neck.
And now, here I am, one day back home, writing to you with a vacation hangover, perimenopausal hormones and an inability to turn my head to the right. Have I ever known happiness or optimism?
Sigh for the post-vacay blues.
Yesterday, to avoid unpacking and nurse myself back to health, I power-read Yesteryear. I had to see what all the fuss was about and now I’m cranky. Felt more like reading someone’s Burn Book than a thought-provoking novel but I guess that’s on me for forming higher expectations than were warranted. I flew through it and it always feels good to finish something.
After my 12 hour sit-a-thon book sesh ended last night, I attempted to put on jeans and go to dinner. The moment I bent over to stuff my feet into shoes, I threw a toddler fit about my tummy being uncomfortably squeezed and cried at the thought of my ass hanging out for all to see. Bless Alan for suggesting he pick something up and bring it home so I could sit pantless on the couch and find where Oceans 11 was streaming.
I’m feeling a bit less bloated today but still ornery enough to bring you a list I started working on last week while staring across the street disgusted at our neighbors’ house where color-shifting Christmas lights remain up all year.
On this particular night they faded offensively from purple to green to orange (literally barf) and I found myself irate to the point of inspiration.
So, without further adieu or whine, here is my…
Please add your feelings in the comments.
Tapping along to a melody with a utensil against a plate.
Eating a bad nut.
Giant lawn skeletons.
LED headlights that seem to be kept on high beam at all times and literally blind you while driving at night.
That with every new PLASTIC bottle of contact solution comes another PLASTIC contact case.
The size of drinks at a movie theater. Enormous. Even a small requires two hands.
A hair that keeps tickling the back of your arm because it’s stuck to your back but it takes forever to realize the origin because it’s tickling your arm and not your back so you just keep relentlessly swatting at your arm. Awful.
Attempting to sleep in a hot room.
Honking one single second after a light turns green.
When you get something like a popcorn kernel or vitamin stuck in your throat and then it feels like it’s there for the rest of your life.
Wine snobbery especially from people who like shitty wine.
Overhead lighting.
Venues with poor signage.
Bad customer service.
That my checked luggage looks like it’s fought a war every time it returns to me.
Rushing.
Servers who casually yell to each other across a dining room or bar as if they think their antics are cute and that guests enjoy watching them.
Blisters.
Finding a bag of chips put away with mere crumbs left.
Leaving one single bite on a shared plate because everyone is too
scaredpolite to take “the last bite”.That everyone is then fully distracted by “the last bite” until someone finally takes it or the server mercifully comes to clear the plate.
Waiting until the plate is finally AIRBORNE in a server’s hand to grab that last STUPID BITE. No. After lift-off, the bite is gone, you missed your shot. I’m sorry.
Fake pockets, fake buttons, fake bows on clothing.
Discovering a toiletry has opened and spilled.
Making coffee and THEN realizing there’s no half and half in the fridge.
Describing anything besides food as “delicious” or worse… “yummy”.
miss you
I’m planning to post a Nashville guide of all the places we loved most. What a fun, ‘choose your own adventure’ town. Traveling to see friends who love their city is always such a highlight too and coming home to their beautiful house (drunk on Miller Lites and fried bologna sandwiches) to watch the most random YouTube treats and cuddle with their dog, Marty, was such a fun way to end our nights.
Major highlight of our after-hours viewing party was this documentary (that could have been a Christopher Guest film) about a very special amusement park called Kennywood. Steve, a Pittsburgh native, wistfully recounted memories of Kenny the Kangaroo while Courtney rolled her eyes and gagged over her memories of an early-in-their-relationship visit. Her recollection of The Potato Patch was especially riveting as she described what sounded more akin to a prison than an amusement park.
What a time.
We love you Courtney and Steve but we mostly love Marty.
Hope you’re all having a lovely week.
I’m recording my monthly podcast soon and also still very much entertaining the idea of a series in which I explain the history of the world to you. Like I said last week, I’m essentially unemployed again until October and while my post-vacation mood swing is tempting me to sink back into old Brittany life-panic, I’m choosing to believe that all will work out just fine. May as well use my time to create things that make me (and hopefully you) laugh.
I’ll be in a better mood next Monday. Probably. If I can ever fully accept that vacations must come to an end.
Til then…
xoxo, Brittany
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