dating cheat code: creating a life you love

Welcome to the first Dating Cheat Code—my brand-new monthly series where I spill the personal hacks I’m using to create a life I actually love as a single person. Every month, I’ll share the real, messy, and sometimes hilarious journey of improving my dating life: what I’m learning, the lessons I’m teaching myself, and the little tricks that actually make it easier (and more fun) to navigate the dating world.

This isn’t theory. This is real-life, tested-by-me advice, reflections, and exercises you can use to level up your own dating game—one cheat code at a time.

I cried on Valentine’s Day.

Not just because I didn’t have a date—though that was part of it—but because the apps weren’t working for me, and I didn’t know where else to go. I think, more than anything, I cried because I didn’t know how to take any real agency over my own dating life.

That night, I actually had plans. A new acquaintance had invited me to her Valentine’s Day party for singles, and I said yes easily, almost with relief—like, finally, something different.

But then the group chat started lighting up.

People were talking about pre-gaming. About rounding up single guys on Hinge. About heading to a club. In Yaletown. At 11 PM.

And I felt it immediately: this wasn’t going to be my night. Not at 43. Not at this stage in my life.

I tried to talk myself into it for a while. Maybe this is just what you do. Maybe this is how people meet now. Maybe I’m being too rigid, too picky, too something. Maybe I can rally!!

But the truth was simpler. I didn’t want to go.

So I backed out.

And then I cried again (I’d like to blame my period, tbh, but alas, it was not that time of the month.)

But the thing is, I wasn’t crying because I was missing a party or I thought I was missing “my chance” to meet someone. It was the realization that the options in front of me—the apps, the group chats, the loud, late nights—didn’t feel like mine. And I didn’t know what was.

I think that’s the part no one really talks about: not just wanting a relationship, but not knowing how to move toward one in a way that still feels like yourself.

So then I thought to myself: this isn’t about dating, Brie. This is about building a life—one with routines, familiarity, and things I actually enjoy.

Because the truth was, I wasn’t just crying over being single. I was crying over a lack of options. A life that had started to feel too small.

And I think a lot of us get this backwards: we try to get busy dating, when we really need to get busy living.

That’s what I needed. I needed to feel like I was living.

The Capricorn in me said: Okay, great. Now you need a plan.

Something to pull me out of my funk and get me socializing in a way that suited me. Not what the latest TikTok or Instagram reel was telling me I should do. I wanted to do the things that would actually light me up.

So I got out my notebook and pen—because your girl’s an analog girl through and through—and started mapping out a month’s schedule.

The plan was simple: commit to a few things weekly or monthly, choose things that genuinely resonated with me (no sudden woodworking phase just to meet men), and focus on expanding my world.

Because that’s the part about dating no one really tells you: it’s not just about who you meet—it’s about who they know. And even if that doesn’t lead anywhere romantically, expanding your network doesn’t hurt. It just makes your life bigger. And that, at the very least, feels like movement.

Then I stopped overthinking it and asked myself better questions:

What do I enjoy doing?
What am I curious about?
What have I liked before that I haven’t done in a long time?
What are places I’d actually want to spend time in?
And where might I meet people I’d genuinely want to connect with—including, yes, single men?

This is where I turned it into something more intentional.

A simple structure I can come back to whenever I feel stuck—no spiraling, no guessing, just a way to reset and reconnect with what actually feels like me.

And honestly, it’s the kind of thing you can steal for yourself too. Not in a copy-my-life way—but in a pause and ask better questions way.

This is something that you can refer to every month. Take a screenshot or make notes on your phone and refer to it daily. You don’t have to do everything each month, but if you commit to trying at least one new thing monthly, I’m sure your life is going to change. At the very least you’ll feel like you’re creating something new rather than waiting on something new to happen.