Put On Your Own Mask First

I’ve been on a lot of planes lately. I started writing this post on a plane leaving Copenhagen, one of my favorite cities in the world. Remember when the flight attendants used to do those live demos showing us how to put on our masks in the event of an emergency? I always stopped and paid attention in a way I admittedly no longer do now that everything’s digitally communicated. Every time they picked up those clear and yellow masks, I always wondered what it would feel like to ever have to use one (God forbid). Would I panic? Would I remember how to place the mask over my nose and mouth, slip the elastic strap over my head to secure it, and tighten the straps?

During the panel I co-hosted last month, The Networking Groove, Lois referenced the symbolism of an airplane mask in a way that’s stuck with me. “Everything flows from you. Put on your own mask first. Don’t keep on performing when you have nothing left.”

Damn. I needed to hear that. Because I’ve spent most of my life being the last person to put on her own mask. The need to please has plagued me for as long as I can remember. The notion that every interaction needs to be perfect, that any misstep is somehow my fault, follows me. I’m terrified of making mistakes. And yet, the past few weeks have dropped me into more back-to-back uncomfortable social settings than I’ve navigated in a long time. The probability of everything going right? Zero.

There was a gala I almost didn’t go to, squarely outside my comfort zone because I didn’t have a plus one; a Women’s History Month event I was anxious about after a super stressful day; a work retreat in Atlanta that asked more of me than I anticipated but gave me more than I could have ever asked for; the end of a contract that was unexpected yet amicable and aligned.

What a gift it is to be in rooms where showing up as you are is enough. To accept that gift, though, is to fully honor and trust yourself, your body, and your becoming. My default is to feel defeated in moments that don’t go exactly as I had hoped. But I want to be able to trust there’s a reason for it rather than blaming myself for what I could have done better.

One of the things I said on The Networking Groove panel — something I needed to hear myself say out loud — was this: I don’t want to control the room. I want to trust myself to show up as the best possible version of me that day.

So I’ll keep going to the galas and the retreats and the events. With the best of intentions, but zero expectations. I’ll stay home when I need to without regret. I’ll go home early if the energy is off. I’ll voice an issue without worrying I’m doing too much. I’ll try to connect without the fear of being imperfect.

I’m practicing — slowly, imperfectly — the art of putting on my own mask first.

Till next time x

Bri

(P.S. We’re back next edition with the regular Stella Podcast & Stella Selects!)