Can We Talk Too Much About Hobbies?

In Created to Play I argue that we should bring our conversations and introductions away from only our vocation and instead become curious about what the person across from us does in their free time. What do they call away from their vocation into? What passions delight them besides their 9-5?

I still believe overwhelmingly that we should talk about our play, but of course, anything can be done to the excess. Some Substack notes by Samuel D. James prompted this line of thinking, and I hope he goes on to write about his thoughts in his own article. So let’s talk about a couple of times when we could be talking too much about hobbies.

We’re all about identity these days and our hobbies aren’t exempt from the craze. Hobbies have become one more sphere in which to proclaim who you are (and perhaps more notably, who you aren’t). Samuel gets at this in his own Substack note about taste:

“…Your favorite books, music, movies, food, etc., are interesting but they don’t “reveal” the real you and they certainly don’t organize you into any corner of society. And people who make taste a big deal are almost always people who have no personality other than wanting people to think they have good taste.”

It’s not hard to think of examples of this kind of talk about play. We see it in someone boasting about their preferred exercise style, dining preferences, music selection, or their movie lists. We scroll through it in the social media comments dripping in condescending tones.

What’s happening when someone elevates their taste in this way is not true play or delight at all. Instead their hobbies and passions have morphed into a pride that sees play and the gifts of God in it as mere tools for the exaltation of the self. They are one more tool for a selfish end. There is no humble receiving, there is merely the propping up of an identity.

Nobody wants to be on the receiving end of this kind of play talk, for the only insight it gives us into the person across from us is their fondness for diminishing others.

Though we may not hold pride in our discourse on hobbies, we also want to be sure to avoid thoughtlessness either. Perhaps you’ve been on the receiving end of a conversation partner who won’t stop referencing movie quotes you’ve never heard, or keeps bringing back the conversation to a topic you don’t have experience with.

Our interests and the way we play are great opportunities to get to know someone and share a deeper connection, but we want to do so in a way that invites someone else in to enjoy it as well. By all means, share about the gripping basketball game you watched last night, but do so in a way that allows the other person to engage right along with you. Share about your love of board games and perhaps refrain from listing the details of every one you’ve played.

We generally aren’t that tone deaf in our conversations, but I’d encourage us to be even more proactive to find opportunities for further connection. Too often we can isolate ourselves and assume that we know nothing about someone else’s hobby, and we don’t need to. Yet I’d venture to say that there is so much we can learn from exploring the passions of others.

Can we invite others into our hobbies and be curious about someone else’s? This involves conversing a little deeper about the activity than surface level details. It might look like sharing the bits of why that win in the game was so exciting to you. Or telling the other person what specifically you love about digging your hands in the soil every day or how you feel when you sit with a quilt and a needle.

These don’t have to be deep dives into counseling sessions, but simple offerings that lift a veil on the why’s and the what’s behind your passions. These deeper realities are invitations to the person across from you to share a little bit more of who they are as God’s children, and they are the kinds of conversation that will strengthen your bonds.

When we pull away from pride and lean in to invite someone into our passion, we’ll find that we really aren’t that different. We are all pulled to our various hobbies for many of the same reasons. As we continue to talk about the ways we love to play we’ll gain new appreciation and delight in the way God is forming each of us.

If you’re interested in finding out about the ways our hobbies bring us to worship, I’d be honored if you’d check out Created to Play: How Taking Hobbies Seriously Grows Us Spiritually. (You can even download the first chapter today!)