I sit at a strangers kitchen table

I sit at a strangers kitchen table writing this. I’m on a writing retreat up in Big bear in California.

There is a beautiful lake and a nice walk to a small downtown area with fudge. The last 4 months, since D’orc issue 1 came out, have been a surreal event in my life. I have had countless interviews, 3 conventions, 3 signings, and a slew of new attention I never saw coming. It has been a marathon and very few moments to breathe.

So here I type this because the silent part needs to be written out loud. Every one of these things that has happened is amazing. People love D’orc. Companies have asked me to do variants and asked me to write other stories. I get to work with amazing Peers, people I’ve adored in the industry have shown support and done guest covers and given their own precious time to me.

For 20 plus years, when I go on a new adventure, like this new creator owned comics, I pack my bags and I set out with what I want and where to go. There is some control to starting a new venture, or career, or story. But this adventure was more like being strapped to the edge of a rocket ship and hold on tight as everyone watches to see what will happen.

And it happened all at once. And when every good thing happens at the same time, you don’t realize it can become overwhelming. I am a people pleaser and now the circle has expanded and there are so many more to please.

It was Julie who noticed it first. That the last 4 months have been fantastic but with no recharge. She sent me away for 4 days to a cabin in the woods. Away from our everyday. Away from every person, even the family. The first day was the hardest. The decompression day, as my body had built up a tremendous amount of stress and worry. Fear of failure on a bigger stage, worry that if I’m not on time or not early then I will no longer be able to work and D’orc will cease to exist. That if this all comes crashing down, I will have no good reason when my son asks why I missed soccer games. It’s an unfair expectation that I gave myself, but I’m learning.

This is day 3 and I have written issue 8. I will draw some Dungeon Crawler Carl pages. I will dance freely in the cabin, probably to Lucy Dacus. Tears that welled up two days ago, now feel released back into the wild, free and shiny. I think it’s sinking in. This is an amazing experience. Once in a lifetime kind. That my self worth is not tied up in whether my career soars, stays steady, or crashes and burns. I will go walk by the lake and listen to the birds. I will eat a strudel.

Julie and the boys are driving up and spending the weekend with me before we all head back. To the mothers out there, happy mothers day this weekend. To the rest of you with mothers, mother figures, guardians, and anyone in between you feel that towards, take a moment for them if you are able to. For those, like me, who no longer have their mothers, remember a good memory on Sunday. One of the times they made you smile or feel loved for a moment.

I remember my mom at the kite festival. We sat on a blanket, watching and talking. I tried to help her up. She flew backwards as I helped her up and screamed out, “Oh I peed a little” and we couldn’t stop laughing. We rolled on the blanket giggling. The rest of the family caught up with us and we just went about like nothing happened. It was our little shared moment and it was never talked about again.

The world can be tough, the world can be harsh. But the sun shines, people still care, and there’s always time to dance in a cabin.

Let’s catch up, ask questions and get into shenanigans. I’ll be live next wednesday, May 13th for another D’ORC Day for the release of issue 4! Live on Instagram, follow me here: INSTAGRAM