An Update on My Ambition

For the past three years, after a period of burnout in Silicon Valley, I have been examining my relationship to ambition. I've been searching for other female leaders who have found a cheat code on how to “have it all” - that sense of power when you’re killing it in the board room, but live a calm and fulfilling life at home. recently shared this essay by , in which Katie dissects the pop culture trend of ambition memoirs. Apparently, my personal soul searching is coinciding with a larger moment of cultural reckoning for many women post-pandemic, former ”boss ladies”, who got tired of “leaning in”.

In the news, I continue to read about tech layoffs, specifically about layoffs of middle managers who are being “replaced by AI”. What I am seeing is a devaluation of leadership skills. Similarly, Britta Hummel, a former engineering manager at Meta, explains why she left the organization. She cites a change in values at the senior leadership level, concluding that her style of leadership is no longer compatible with the patriarchal, ego-driven leadership systems that have become more and more prevalent in the tech world.

In the three years I have spent recovering from Silicon Valley, her single article made more of an impact on me than my seven-month sabbatical. There was never anything wrong with me; my managerial style is simply not compatible with the system.

While highlights that men never have to grapple with their desire for power, money, and prestige, while women write entire memoirs about it. However, I see more and more women like Brita Hummel who do less grappling and more calling out. She’s not saying she doesn’t want it - she’s saying she’s doing it her way.

It’s time I do it my way, too. Over the years, I have been looking for an “answer” to this “problem” of wanting to exercise my ambition but also have a fulfilling and family-focused life - and I have found that with Megan Hellerer’s framework of “aligned ambition”. Megan explains in her book, “Directional Living”, that your ambition has to be aligned with your values. It’s okay to experiment with your interests and hobbies until you start moving in the right direction, rather than aiming for a single destination (e.g., become a VP by age 40). Over the past few years, through writing this newsletter, focusing on my health and family, and doing what I love to do, I feel myself going in the right direction.

One area where I think I can be more ambitious is the growth of this newsletter. If I am honest with myself, I have invested a lot of time into it, but haven’t really pushed myself to nail the niche and expand my sources of income. I’ve written freelance articles, but never won a pitch. I’ve switched niches, but reverted to writing about multiple topics. I get surges of inspiration and motivation, and then I back off. I have been wearing my “writer” hat but not my CEO hat. The opportunity to create more of a business could tap into my leadership and strategy skills - an area of my life I need to be more aligned in.

To that end, you’ll likely see more travel content and less content about ambition, quitting alcohol, fertility and motherhood, or other random topics I’m passionate about.

I’m pivoting to focus on travel and culture, specifically bougie nature lovers who love traveling with depth. I can’t wait to share my favorite boutique hotels, local artisans, and transformative experiences, and I’d love to have you along for the journey. I’d love to know - have you struggled with this too?

If you’re interested in my struggle with ambition, check out my most popular posts about it:

• I Quit My Job

• What have I learned in six months without a job? Almost nothing.

• Going Back to Corporate

• Living for Me: Crafting a Life Beyond Society’s Blueprint