Yearninggg

I don’t want a [crush] and I’ll tell you why. I struggle with how much attention to give something—I’m constantly observing my habits and constantly noticing how often I’m thinking about things that aren’t interesting.

I read about yearning the other day. Do I yearn? Do I let myself yearn? Do I punish myself when I don’t get what I want? When I think of yearning, I think of crushes, and crushes are for free! It’s all fun and games til it’s not.

We think we have immediate access to everyone, and they have immediate access to us. Just because I am available doesn’t mean I have to say yes to everything. Be choosy! Be particular!

Becoming okay with not getting what I want. Wanting is a two-way street—I have to say yes to something, and it has to say yes back to me. How can I not take it personally when something doesn’t want me back?

My favorite thinker wrote about communing with the divine. I hadn’t talked to her (see: the Divine) in a while. I’m trying to let her into the conversation more often.

I’ll let myself yearn. I’ll let myself unabashedly want something. I might even tell you about it. And, if it’s taking up too much of my attention I might put my foot on the break. Don’t start driving until you know where you’re going—trust a measure, not a feeling alone. And,

Feelings are perfectly safe, we’ve been having them for years — Sky Fusco