Penny, heads up

Listening to

Surrender.

Soften the grip.

To soften doesn’t mean to collapse.

The self is often lost and found through surrender (Rosenbaum).

Leave the party while it’s still fun.

Is everyone else kissing, and I’m not? Or am I kissing a normal amount? It is really so funny to write that [out loud].

I’ve been reading about the non-local mind, time and space, spirituality in the ordinary. Eternity and forever as already being whole - we’re already there. The non-local mind boasts that the mind is not attached to the brain, or even the body for that matter. It’s wide, vast, unfound. A sixth sense that if you’re questioning it, you’ve probably experienced it.

Nevine said we don’t need to do something crazy to have a spiritual experience, we just have to engage with the moment (not to be confused with getting engaged*).

Freud describes a spiritual experience as oceanic - a feeling of eternity.

Oceanic <> spiritual <> eternal <> non-local <> surrender

It’s up to us whether we choose to engage, or go back inside.

*Friends and acquaintances are getting engaged [like, marriage], and I can’t really say woah, that’s crazy anymore. A friend put an offer on a home and I did say woah, that’s crazy - albeit still timely.

I experienced feelings I used to feel [a few years ago] - ones that my body has an aversion to + my mind sounded alarms. You promised you wouldn’t come back here. But I actually didn’t promise, actually I don’t know what’s going to happen. However, I did promise I’d run back to myself.

I draped myself over a yoga block, arms overhead, and realized I don’t need to decide right now. Thinking isn’t the remedy.

When I notice that I’m zeroed in, I’ve been interrupting with ‘I am open and available to the many blessings in my life’. It’s probably one of the more woo-woo practices I’ve been engaging in, but I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t working. It’s a lot easier to proclaim this when days are easy.

My therapist told me anxiety is trying to get me to predict an outcome.

Toggling between yes and no. Toggling when I should really be breathing, creating more space. More space - zoom out.

Feeling old things at a new time. Will there be a different outcome? I mean, yes, because nothing can be the same.

When I’m not toggling like a Nintendo 64 remote, I’m thinking about reciprocity. How to tell the age of a tree or a fish. The body as a house. The back of the right eye as the attic, eventually the art studio. The jaw connected to the hips.

When I turn down the volume, what do I hear? The rest.