Is God prompting you?

Note:

I’m trying something new. I’m posting raw journal entries as they arise.

Low edits. Ideas might be all over the place. Grammar unchecked. No AI assistance whatsoever.

I avoided posting for so long because of fear, of course. So here’s my attempt at posting an “unfinished, unrefined” product—a farewell eff-you to my perfectionism.

Enjoy.

How should I start my creative journey?

Why do I keep asking how?

Why do I see 1000 ideas and get paralyzed by them?

When I went through grade school, I was responding to what was being presented in front of me. I didn’t choose to go to school. I was prompted.

Now, I have to make my own choices as an adult, but I feel like I’m creating my own circumstances. The prompts are hard to notice. I’m reaching out for something out of nowhere or from stray thoughts.

But stray thoughts aren’t always trustworthy.

Some of them are sketchy. So do I just force myself to write stuff till it starts to flow?

The hardest part is starting.

I battle with feeling like I need certainty. Do I just relinquish it and create something? That’s what I used to do. Doodle in my notebook and just get lost in it while consciously listening to the lecture, but not actively. I would miss some of the information, but I feel like I absorbed the major parts. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have gotten good grades.

Observation:

All my major life transformations were responses to things that happened to me.

I responded to my inclinations about physics and philosophy that led me to pick that major. I succumbed to doubts, so it prompted me to change (for what I was feeling at the time, I wasn’t wise enough to discern feelings from virtue or principle, i.e., sticking through the hard points). I went through the battle of changing majors multiple times because some classes were “too much effort.” I was being somewhat lazy or maybe just misaligned. I didn’t have anyone to help me direct my energy meaningfully. I couldn’t do it myself at the time because I didn’t know better. If you don’t know already, I changed my major 5 times and landed on kinesiology. A degree I don’t use today. More on my real job later.

I responded to the desire to finally stick to a fitness routine when K broke up with me. I thought I’d build a “revenge body” (cringe), but it went deeper than surface-level envy. It turned into a health habit that supports my lifestyle today. It led me to join powerlifting and meet Victoria (my wife). Either way, I RESPONDED to a strong negative emotional prompt.

I responded to the desire to become a father and husband. I couldn’t repeat the mistakes of the men around me to leave bastard children to pursue selfish needs. It just wasn’t in me. I also took after my dad and decided to stick with it because he did, and it was natural to model him. Today, it turns out I’m doing great in being that model for my family. Still improvements to be made, but I think we’re leading the kids in the right direction, especially with kids’ ministry at Church. Same with V. We started off scarred but we’ve mended those wounds together through communication. Again, not perfect, but I’ve responded to most scenarios with grace, understanding, and willingness to learn. Mostly to avoid pain and conflict, but it was for all of our benefit. I became more selfless as a result.

I responded to the call to join Codeup when Jada’s text came in about the cohort. I was at a low point in my life, working at the HEB warehouse, and couldn’t stand another day feeling like a loser there. I couldn’t stand living in a ghetto apartment. So I responded and took a leap of faith with the bootcamp and loan and pushed through it. It was the hardest year, but looking back, somehow it felt “easy”. Not downplaying the effort, but it was like I just had to do whatever was right in front of me, and God took care of the outcome. There was a TON of uncertainty. Even taking a job with low pay and grinding until the USAA offer came in. Then a series of promotions got me to the income I’m at today. That was nothing short of God’s provision. I didn’t really earn any of it. I just walked into it, with faith, some doubt, but I still did it. My attitude about it was about the only thing I could alter. The events and actions were set.

I responded to the huge spike of dopamine when watching Dan Koe’s video for the first time, inspiring me to start an online business. That changed a lot. For the good and bad. Good because I was introduced to a world where I could actually do something I enjoyed and make a living from it. Bad because there is a lot of deception and bad advice out there that simply doesn’t fit who I am. Today, however, I have a better grasp on business and what it takes to make it work. I simply need to break limiting beliefs about myself that were conditioned in prior years from emotional scars, traumas, etc. Respond to the call.

I responded to the call to engage in the Bible honestly after Victoria’s testimony and her post-vacation experience. Beforehand, I had only assumed I knew the Bible because of what others said about it. I went to Bible studies in college and even retreats, but I continually resisted Jesus because my analytical brain got in the way. It was my ego. It didn’t like the idea of surrender. Not until the perfect timing of reading Matthew 27:45-50 while in my meditation closet did I feel the Holy Spirit come upon me and simply respond to the writing, curiosity, emotion, and exploration of the faith. Ultimately, leading me to be a Christian and form my household around faith. Learning to be more compassionate and selfish all the more.

Now there are a ton of other micro transformations occurring. Even as I write this, I’m responding to the call to spill this out. As I look forward to my next major transformation, I’m reminded to respond to what’s happening now. Continue to do what is right and good and respond to God’s call. Listen for it, so you know it’s good, and do the work. Get out of the way. And enjoy the process.

Note that there can be a lot of distractions that deter me from hearing the call. How can I know which ones are good and which aren’t? How have I done it before?

Because even if bumpy, everything I’ve done up to this point has “worked” (God willing).

I know the answer. Just continue. Be me. Pray to God continually. And let it unfold. There’s nothing I can do to stop it. Nor do I want to.

Choose the posture of acceptance and gratitude to divine providence. It’s my purpose to fulfill here and now.

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