Not For You

Hi Son,

I wanted to check in to try to help get through a difficult couple of weeks. Your mom has been going through more difficulty with her chronic pain and the recent attempt in changing her medication regiment has not worked well. Hopefully after tomorrows doctor visit, there will be another change but in the right direction. This is one of many things weighing on my soul. What I try to do is not look too holistically on the stressors and focus on what I can control. It also helps to just get out frustration and stress by expressing it through music. One of my favorite songs by Pearl Jam is from their “Vitalogy” record called “Not For You.” I had described it several months ago when I told you about the entire “Vitalogy” album, however it’s one of many of their songs that I can spend an entire note telling you about.

Normally songs with loud noise or angry vocals help me get through difficult periods in life. “Not For You” provides a certain kind of controlled chaos and vitriol that fits the type of music I seek. The song itself is one of my top 5 in the entire catalog. It always stood out to me when I first listening to “Vitalogy” and it has aged as well as any of their work in the mid-90s. The song is almost 6 minutes long and it does not waste a second. The music throughout ebbs and flows with tensely sung lyrics by Eddie and colorful grungy guitar riffs that fill the space when Eddie is not singing. It provides one hell of a roller coaster ride.

The meaning of the song is a message the detractors in the media. To individuals who believed the band was headed in too eclectic of a direction. This era of Pearl Jam was “Not For You” if you were in either of the aforementioned groupings. The same can apply to your own personal detractors and frustrations in life. It begins with a three-note guitar riff that seems simple, but when simple is executed with flawlessness and intensity it’s about as perfect as it gets. Eddie comes in with the vocals blending in well with the guitars and intense drumming by Dave Abbruzzese. The message is terse and poignant.

Restless soul, enjoy your youth
Like Muhammad, hits the truth
Can't escape from the common rule
If you hate something, don't you do it too

The beginning to me is a message to myself. Stop wallowing in everything. Life is difficult. Responsibility does not go away, it increases with age. Don’t blow your present by drowning in what you can’t control.

“Small my table, sits just two
Got so crowded, I can't make room
Oh, where did they come from? Stormed my room!
And you dare say it belongs to you”

My mind is already occupied with enough thoughts. I can’t take on anymore noise at the moment. Anything being said in my direction feels like it’s coming too fast and I can’t keep up. You don’t get my attention or any part of my time. This is “not for you.”

The music and the vocals go from terse to somewhat blurry. The mind has now taken control and the thoughts begin to overtake my being. Eddie’s voice blends in even further with what sounds like a swaying guitar riff. Everything is swirling around! I can’t focus on anything. I can’t hear any sound that is outside of my head.

Scream...my friends...don't call me...
...Friends, no they don't scream...
...My friends don't call...my friends don't...

The music then gets suddenly quiet. The same three-note riff is played but softly. Then Jeff’s bass begins to fill the void of sound and Eddie begins to sing at a low volume. I’ve been able to get my mind together and begin to calm myself down.

All that's sacred, comes from youth
Dedications, naive and true

Now that I’ve re-centered myself I’m able to push back against what I can’t control. The music begins to pick up momentum and Eddie’s voice gradually intensifies. Pearl Jam is one of the best when it comes to composing a bridge in a song. The bridge in “Not For You” is arguably their best. Again, the music is not complicated. However, the execution of intensity from medium to low into what comes next is flawless. As the next two lines are sung, at end of the second line “don’t you” is screamed angrily into the mic.

With no power, and fuckin' nothing to do
I still remember, why don't you...don't you..

Eddie is full throat and the guitars and drums have reached their maximum intensity. It’s as if the entire song was building up to this crescendo. “This is not for you” is yelled over and over in tandem with the grungiest sound the band ever produced. The uncontrollable problems, my time is not for you. My mind is not for you. My fragile emotions are not for you. Get the fuck out!

This is not for you
Oh, never was for you...fuck you...

The vocals finish but the guitars and drums continue to press on, in somewhat of a jam session for the next 1-2 minutes. Stone is aggressively pouring out a riff behind the rest of the sound. All I feel is just a release of pent up frustration. Then all of a sudden everyone backs off, except for Eddie. He’s not singing. He’s strumming. It’s as if fireworks have exploded in the sky and the colorful sparks are falling down to Earth as if they are a gentle snowfall. The quiet riff by Eddie for the last minute of the song represent mental clarity. Patience has been restored. I’m ready to deal with responsibility again.

Love,

Dad