It occurs to me that I have not dedicated enough time here to propagating my lore…
I guess I just always thought that’s what my vaguely memoristic but decidedly not-a-memoir of a book was for. When I started Brain Matter just over a year ago (happy anniversary, Brainiacs!), it was in order to develop a practice of writing—to flex a muscle that had atrophied many, many moons ago as I abandoned my career as a features associate for the shiny and gleaming fashion department at Vogue.
Really, Brain Matter was supposed to be an ideas incubator. Somewhere where I’d trial voice, tone, subject matter. In a lot of ways I’m still in that experimentation phase, and sharing the various ramblings and matters of my mind is part of getting back to me—GKJ, the writer.
I had no idea how far I’d strayed from that part of my identity, but every week when I sit down to write this letter, it becomes clear that writing is no longer second nature. The words do not come easily.
There are certain features of this particular platform that have helped: publishing cadence and self-imposed deadlines; knowing that I have a readership (many of whom are paying!!) that I would rather die than let down; and knowing that no one is here for a perfect product. The journey of simply publishing something every week(ish!) is something to enjoy.
I’ve had to make a habit of actively reminding myself that nothing good comes easy… I am getting better at being just okay at something. I am getting better at being a writer.
Which brings me to you.
I want to workshop.
You know how Lil’ Wayne said real gangsters move in silence like lasagna? I have never related to a Weezy F. Baby less.
I’m loud as fuck and have been talking about this book for three years. I want accountability partners but I also just want your thoughts.
As I start to formalize the table of contents that is soon to be Not A Fashion Person (@Derek Blasberg thinks this is a bad title, fight with him in the comments!), and at the risk of being extremelyyyy pick-me, I want to know what you want to read most from a select (and truncated) list of exploratory essays.
HONK IF YOU LIKE CLOWNS: Performing Personality and Other Defense Mechanisms for Fat Femmes
PREP SCHOOL, A PRISON TALE: The reason why Death Cab for Cutie tops my annual Spotify Wrapped playlist, and other horrifying tales of bottomless trauma
CRABS IN A BARREL: The Black Fashion Experience & why Black gay men and Black women in fashion are at war
RAISE YOUR HAND IF YOU LIKE ME: Reflections on Popularity
HOW TO SIT FRONT ROW AT A FASHION SHOW (OR, ANXIETY IN THREE ACTS): An Opera
THE WOKE ONE: For one year, exactly, life was briefly affirming
DADDY’S LITTLE GIRLS: Informed but largely speculative fiction about the day my father died with me in his lap
Tell me what you want!! Whatever piques the most interest will be expanded into a long-form essay, and I’ll publish it right here on Brain Matter.
And because I can’t help myself, I’m also sharing something that I realllyyy want to develop— I’m keen to find the essay in an 800-word assignment, “My Letter from New York” for System Magazine Issue 25.
Paid subscribers can read it below.
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