What was Grief Share like?

I am still working through the death of my former fiancee and mother to our son. Most of the time, I’m great. Other times, such as certain days or milestones (like our son starting Kindergarten), I can have some issues. Anger, cranky, feeling almost out of body at times, or feeling sped up. It’s hard to explain, but, when it happens, I eventually figure out what is going on.

I decided to go to Grief share to continue working on my issues. I want to be the best husband and father I can be, and I know that I have to continue improving.

It’s an interesting organization. All over the USA, it has virtual and in person meetings. There is a work book. There might be multiple workbooks. You enter the meeting, and people are sitting around, some talking, some not. My place gave nametags, which I thought was great. We need more nametags in life.

The person running the meeting was very nice. She introduced herself, why she was there, and then everyone else spoke about why they were there.

We then watched around a 45 minute video discussing the loneliness of grief.

It is lonely. You had someone that you shared a life, or parts of life, with. For M and I, even when we did not get along, we shared texts, memes, instagram reels about parenting. We laughed at our son’s ridiculousness, we had pointed discussions about his future. Meals, laughs, other stuff.

We were a mess of a team, but we were still a team, a family.

Then that went away.

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After the 45 minutes, we talked. I was a bit testy when a couple people tried comparing their situations to mine, or giving me some advice. I probably was too ornery, I blame zyn (the yo yo of being off, being on nicotine. Don’t start pouches).

We also talked about depression. I talked about how it took me a bit to go out of the house unless I had to, and I still leave events right away. I run.

Afterwards, the woman running the event came over, hugged me, and I ended up being the second to last one there. She was very kind, listened. She lost someone a few days after M died, so we had much in common.

I do and don’t like talking about my feelings. I am getting better about keeping certain things private. My relationship with my future wife will not be X fodder, unless it is joking. No airing dirty laundry.

I think it’s important for people to see and know what I went through, and what I am doing to continue getting healthier. Men especially. We bottle stuff up, act tough, while being broken inside. We have to keep going, its in our nature, but sometimes each steps hurts.

Each step can hurt less, but you do have to keep moving, and in a direction. Eventually, you’ll get it right.

I will be continuing with griefshare and reporting back.

Thank you for reading, and always for your support.

Love,

The Kongs