Stuck on a Sunday: Issue No. 4

Six years ago, I booked a spontaneous spa day (clearly pre-kids) on a Sunday in early January… and like millions of others this time of year, brought the new “self help” book I had just started with me.

Work had really been bringing me down lately, and as this felt like the year we’d start our family, I suddenly felt an overwhelming urge to figure out how I was going to control time. And, I had this nagging feeling that I was spending 90% of my time reacting to everyone else and 0% designing anything for myself.

I had been at my company for almost five years at that point — which, for 32-year-old me, felt like hitting some kind of professional milestone and that I’d officially be at this job for the rest of my life.

I wasn’t exactly miserable…. I wasn’t on the verge of quitting. I actually liked my job, my team, my clients. But there was also this low-grade restlessness that kept surfacing for me constantly. Something like,

Is this it? Is this how I’m going to spend the next decade?

Which, as I thought more about it, essentially translated to the truth that I was bored. I was feeling like I was doing the same thing on repeat every single year, and feeling like my days and weeks were becoming so predictable and yet so time crunched - with no output to really feel proud of.

So I sat there in my robe with a cup of tea and opened Free to Focus by Michael Hyatt. And I remember underlining this exact line:

“I spent years going into the office each day with no real plan in place, simply reacting to whatever happened or filling my time with whatever meeting request or interruption popped up. If that’s how you start each day, you are doomed to fail. You aren’t taking control; you’re surrendering control to everyone around you.”

UNDERLINE. HEAVYYYYY UNDERLINE.

That was me.

My days felt like Groundhog Day:
wake up → squeeze in a workout → commute → five minutes at my desk → six hours of meetings in conference rooms → commute → dinner → get back online → sleep → repeat.

I had no control over my day, just a calendar of what I was “supposed” to focus on, all while putting out fires, responding to Teams messages, and emails, and random questions from clients and team members that appeared out of thin air. I was so busy battling all day that it was as if I only started my real job when I got home, and all was quiet, before bed.

It left very little time for me to actually do things I was enjoying at work, and I could see it creeping into my home life too - always being “on”, always checking “one last thing”.

I could tell everything was becoming a barter of time. I went to the gym or I got to the office early. I went on a date with my husband or I could fully clear out my inbox when getting home. I could take time off of work for a trip and feel like I was drowning when I got back, or I could just check a few emails while traveling and totally, totally be fine…..

And then I highlighted this in the book,

“If someone is going to walk away disappointed, I’m going to do everything possible to make sure I’m not disappointing those closest to me.”

I held onto these underlines (and hundreds more) as my year went on, because in the biggest plot twist none of us could have anticipated, within two months of that spa day, the world shut down. My life and career shifted in ways I never could’ve predicted.

In June, I found out I was pregnant. My meetings had been moved to Zoom for months at this point. My commute had disappeared. I worked out in my living room between calls. I had time to think before responding instead of being cornered in hallways.

For the first time in years, I felt like I had agency over my time.

Remote work genuinely protected something in me — especially once my son arrived.
It created boundaries I didn’t know how to advocate for before:

• fewer unnecessary social work events

• more flexibility around pumping

• no travel

• easier childcare logistics

It was still work — but it wasn’t run-on-adrenaline work.

Fast forward to 2023, return-to-office mandates picked up. I was pregnant again.
And that old feeling from 2020 resurfaced, but I was now a MOM. I had no (zero) desire to return to my “old ways”. And have since come to learn through all my work with Both& - that most of you don’t either.

Most people don’t hit their breaking point because of the work.
They hit it because of the time (a lot of it wasted time) the work takes from them — and more specifically, the lack of control around it.

Control over:

• when work happens

• how work happens

• where work happens

• how interruptions are handled

• how childcare interacts with work

• how work interacts with family

When you become a parent, you start measuring time in a totally different currency:

“Daycare closes at 5.”
“He has a fever which means home for at least 24 hours from now.”
“The pediatrician only has 10:30.”
“There’s a school performance at 11.”
“Drop-off took longer than expected.”
“His naps are totally off schedule today.”

Someone said to me on a call this week:

“I feel like I’m living in fight-or-flight from 7am to 7pm — and then I do it again.”

The problem is, fight-or-flight isn’t designed to be lived in. It was designed to get you out of the harmful situation as quickly as possible. To RUN out of the woods.

And yet, here most of us are, trying to work, parent, and stay sane inside the woods.

But I’m here to tell you, I have come SO far since that self-help book in 2020, and actually gotten out. I’ve built a family, a career, and a life that finally feels balanced, and here’s a story to show you others have done the same, and you can too.

Rachael is a perfect example of what I call a Shift — not abandoning your career, but redesigning it so it works with your life instead of constantly against it.

She spent years in corporate HR and Organizational Development. She liked her work. She was good at it. But even before her daughter was born, burnout had already started creeping in, and there was no viable part-time path inside traditional corporate structures.

After her daughter arrived in 2018, clarity came quickly. Full-time in the old model wasn’t compatible with burnout and caregiving — and pretending otherwise wasn’t sustainable.

Leaving was terrifying. Leaving without a plan was even scarier. But staying would’ve cost her more — in her health, her energy, and the kind of presence she wanted for her family.

So she took a year-long career break, something she now calls one of the best decisions she’s ever made.

When it was time to return to paid work, the part-time roles available to her were low-paid, low-level, or both. So she did what so many parents eventually find themselves doing: she created the job she couldn’t find.

She became a consultant and coach — slowly, intentionally, and on her own terms. It wasn’t instant, and it definitely wasn’t seamless. She launched right before the pandemic and lost 90% of her work in March 2020. But she rebuilt. She refined. And over time, she created a business that reflects her values, not just her résumé.

“It has taken diligent effort, networking, a growth mindset, trust, and ultimately putting in the time, to build what I envisioned. I can say with confidence now: it is possible.”

She found something in consulting that she’d never felt before:

“I found the fluidness of consulting empowering. In it, I have the authority to bring my professional vision to life, including: flexibility, autonomy, freedom, meaningful contribution, and improved work-life harmony.”

And most of all, she’s found CONTROL over her time!

“It turns out what matters to clients is the expertise, value and skills I bring. Clients care about how and what work I do with them. Not if I’m working 40+ hours per week. I am still committed to my career and am also committed to multiple other aspects of my life.”

You can read her full story here: https://www.bothand.co/resources/meet-rachael-leaving-without-a-plan-building-a-life-on-her-terms

Would you take $240k to work from an office or $120k to work from home??
How return-to-office expectations, commuting costs, and geographic tradeoffs are quietly reshaping family finances.
→ https://www.today.com/parents/parents/parents-take-120k-work-home-240k-work-office-rcna250052

Families navigating proximity, caregiving, and career decisions
A global look at how families are weighing where to live, who provides care, and how careers bend (or break) around those choices.
→ https://english.news.cn/20260108/5cc18262aee84412b58cb80c17162274/c.html

How parents are thinking about AI + learning for kids
An exploration of how parents are grappling with technology, education, and what “preparing kids for the future” really means.
→ https://www.nytimes.com/2025/09/11/opinion/parents-children-ai-learning.html

The “parents do less work” argument resurfaces (again)
A familiar narrative — and why it continues to miss the structural realities of caregiving and modern work.
→ https://www.yourtango.com/self/worker-frustrated-parents-do-less-work-those-without-kids

Our first pick of the year:
The 5 Types of Wealth by Sahil Bloom

This book reframed “wealth” for me during a season when I was scaling back paid work to care for a newborn and a toddler. It expands wealth into:

• Financial

• Physical

• Social

• Time

• Spiritual

If you’ve been reevaluating success, identity, or time — this one lands.

📅 March 4 at 11am PST
Book club discussion + mini workshop
RSVP here: https://us06web.zoom.us/webinar/register/WN_4ZPxKta_Q321sXVWagpBTg

If you read any of this and thought:

• Oh god, that’s me

• I didn’t realize other people felt like this

• I’m not crazy for wanting more control over my time

I was you. You are me. We are all going through the same struggle and the good news is, I know how to get you more time back. And we’re going to work on it through the breakthrough stories of others, together.

Until next week,

Kaleana