Right on Time

If you only knew how much this world wanted you. If you only knew that the sky rejoiced the day you screamed your way out of the water of the womb. Daffodils danced the first time you opened your eyes and the sun smiled so big its cheeks hurt the first time a giggle erupted from your little lips. The whole world conspired for your birth.

This is what I will tell our future daughter. She won’t have to live the first 25 years of her life believing she was a mistake like I did. Because I was. I was a human mistake. But I have come to learn that the divine makes no mistakes.

I will whisper in her ear, our future daughter, that her tiny heart has the power of a million stars pumping blood through her chubby arms and her chubby cheeks. “You are born inside of our love.” I will say. “We love every part of you.”

Every morning we pray for you, dear one. After we light the incense on our altar and let the silence serenade us, we speak to you. We are preparing for your soon to be forming bones with each bite of fish and seafood, and the first piece of red meat I’ve eaten since I accidentally bit into a real burger 10 years ago because I thought it was a veggie burger and was iron deficient enough to enjoy it.

We pray for you in every dollar we earn to build or buy the home where you will take your first breath under Taos mountain and dance your first steps in the high desert sun. We love you so much already.

We are saving our pennies to plan our wedding where our parents and cousins will meet each other on the family ranch dancing body temple into the night by Gurgle’s grave. This is the land you will call home. Where your tiny toes will run through the swampy red willows by grandma Sita’s house and splash in the Rio Pueblo on your way to pick tomatoes, green chiles and fresh plums from Mama Marana’s garden.

In some way I believe that you have already been born in the warm ocean of our love. Conceived the first time our eyes kissed. We love you so much already.

Two years ago I was writing about my fears that I would never get to be a mama the way my angel mama mothered me. Afraid my unfertilized eggs would rot before I died. And now look at us, my Habibi Manny and me. Our Majnun forces combined are greater than I ever imagined possible. We can feel you, little one, almost wiggling in the womb.

We just want a little longer to get the house built and the Multitudes business paying the bills and our wedding and our honeymoon celebrated …and we trust you will be right on time.

Soul portraits by the beautiful Thais Aquino

Disclaimer: I am not yet pregnant, just dreaming about our future children!

This piece was written at our Wild Heart Writing retreat with a prompt given by the incredible Mirabai Starr.

You’re invited to join me for an upcoming offering:

Who’s Your Daddy? You are! A free event on April 8th with me, Adriana Rizzolo and Tammy Chow to unlock your capacity to receive money, love and pleasure without shame

Dreaming with the Deceased on April 6th with me and Lin Diagonales to deepen your reverence for your nightly theater and explore dreaming with those who have died

Teen Mindfulness Retreat July 10-13 three days of mindfulness cultivation and practice for youth 13-19

The Wild Heart Podcast with yours truly.. listen to our first episode with Mirabai Starr

My Soul Invocation Art Show at Her Sacred Alchemy April 26th, 2025 in Taos, New Mexico