PSSST...WANNA BUY SOME BOOKS?

Greetings to you all.

As a somewhat legit author, I get off on not only writing books, but selling them. It’s almost the same buzz. But the former feeds my ego, while the later feeds my family. It’s not at all like begging, which basically relies on you feeling good about giving a poor person some of your money.

While I am not exactly poor, I ain’t exactly Stephen King either. So you will not get the same feel-good rush if you give me money. You will, however, get a different feel-good rush if you buy one or all of my books and read them. And it will be an exchange, rather than a simple act of charity.

I get your money, you get my books. And, hopefully, some deal of enjoyment from them.

There are four of the wretched things. The first two were published By Hachette Australia, and I was very happy with that, but soon realised that getting ten per cent of the cover-price meant I would have to sell millions to be remotely wealthy, and that would not happen because not that many people can read in Australia.

The following two books I self-published. Once I paid off the printer, what I made was all mine. But I did not have access to the bookshops a worldwide publisher has, and Amazon has way too much of the robber baron about it for me to want to contribute to the Bezos family trust. So that was a struggle too.

Thus, I sell the books where and when I can, online and at various events I go to.

And now on Substack, I guess.

Please buy them. It feeds my family.

This was my first book. It concerns the riding of motorcycles and what happens when that riding takes place. There are sweary words, terrible deeds, and poor outcomes.

I bought the leftovers from the warehouse and you can now buy them directly from me because that is how free market capitalism works. And if you buy them from me, I make more money than if you buy them from somewhere else, which will be hard because most places have run out of stock. I will of course sign each copy, because that will devalue your purchase and cause resentment.

Still, you should enjoy it. Other people apparently have.

‘Boris has more fun on two wheels than should be legally possible…’ – Richard Fidler, ABC

‘Mihailovic uses humour like most people would use their fists.’ – Courier Mail

‘His love of motorcycling, mateship and frequent, subsequent mayhem is matched by a natural writing ability that graphically, often hilariously, brings to life the two-wheeled experiences that have shaped his life… Highly recommended.’ – 4 X 4 Magazine

‘There is no requirement to love everything on two wheels to enjoy this book but it would seriously help, as our resident bike nut said about Boris: “This guy lives and breathes motorbikes. He’s the epitome of two-wheel freedom.’ – Mining Chronicle

‘I couldn’t put this book down, was a laugh on every page. Brilliantly written of stories from childhood to adulthood that every biker should read and even those who are not into bikes.’- David James

‘Do we have enough police dogs for him?’ - Victoria Police

This was the second book. You can read it before you read the first book. It won’t matter. They’re not like Game of Thrones.

This one is also filled with terrible tales of motorcycling catastrophes, swearing, blasphemy, poo, and dark deeds. Some say it is darker than my first book, but I think they’re only referring to the cover.

I feel you will enjoy this as much as you enjoyed the first one, or maybe less. Or maybe more. It’s hard to pin down. It’s also hard to get, like the first one, but I have a few I can sell you, which I will sign whether you want me to or not.

Others have enjoyed this one too.

‘A pulse-pounding, white-knuckle ride’ – PEOPLE MAGAZINE

‘Laugh-out-loud funny . . . compelling’ – TraderMotorcycles.com.au

‘Will delight the motorbike-mad dad’ – TAKE 5’

‘Couched in beautiful Australiana, Boris’ book is an exploration of a life that most of us would never dare to live. Boris describes one of his sharehouses as being “a cross between a Marxist utopia and a pirate ship,” but it may as well be a description of the entire book. Boris writes like a more abrasive Hunter S. Thompson.’ – Aden Dale GOODREADS

‘Needs to be jailed and shot. Now.’ NSW Police Force

And this is book three. It’s fatter than the first two because it has more words in it and the pages are thicker, and I even got it illustrated if people wanted to get something they could colour-in.

You will never read a funnier or more honest journey than the one I hopefully take you on here.

Apart from the expected tales of terrifying misdeeds, motorcycling bastardry, and a profound and general degeneracy, you will join the me on a most amazing motorcycle journey through the Balkans – the land of my forefathers.

I travel through Germany, Austria, Hungary, Slovenia, Croatia, and Serbia, examining the bones of my ancestors, and search deep inside myself for redemption and absolution, all the while trying not to be murdered by Magyar killers, or riding off a Bosnian mountain.

People kept insisting I write a third book and this is what they got for pestering me so much.

‘Just get on the ground, dickhead!’ Queensland Police Force

And finally, what is manifestly the most important book ever written.

This time I involved my beautiful wife.

SH!T MY WIFE SAYS began as a bit of a laugh on my social feeds, but soon attracted a huge audience clamouring for “More Lynette!” and demanding a book be written, which would properly immortalise her wisdom.

I told Lynette about this.

She told me to stop being an idiot, and write instead about what I knew – which was being a fool on motorcycles. Surely no-one would be interested in listening in on our marital exchanges.

But I wrote the book anyway. I understand it’s always better to beg forgiveness than to seek permission.

What happens next is entirely up to you.

Hopefully, you’ll buy the book, enjoy it, and tell your friends. And maybe they’ll buy a copy, and so on.

Things is, if enough people buy a copy, then I will only be encouraged to write another one, and nothing good can possibly ever come of that, as you’d know if you’ve read any of my other stuff.

Please note, SH!T MY WIFE SAYS is not a marriage guidance manual. So don’t buy it thinking it will fix shit. If anything, it may make everything much worse.

And do not let your missus read it. Ever.

No, seriously, don’t.

YOU CAN BUY ANY OR ALL OF THEM HERE

https://www.shocknawe.com.au/

And I apologise in advance for the cost of postage from Australia to anywhere else on earth. You seen where we are? For fuck’s sake, we’re lucky planes even fly here. Australia Post is very good (usually) and it does deliver. It just charges like it means business. So, sorry about that. Happily, all prices are in Australian dollars, and our currency is largely garbage, so you may see this as a bargain.