I felt devastated when the email arrived.

This is the post I did not want to have to write. Honestly I have been procrastinating putting this out here as if somehow that could change things.

I’m searching for words to describe the feeling, but struggling to find the right ones. There really are no words that capture the magnitude of the disappointment I felt. The immense heaviness in my chest, the sadness rising, the mind trying to minimize it. “It’s just a race.” but my heart knowing that the feelings are real and unavoidable.

I wept.

I have trained for a year to be ready for this one. I am in the best shape of my life by a long shot. I am 15-20 pounds lighter than I was for the Tahoe 200 and carrying more muscle mass. I was really excited to see what I could do on this course.

As I wrestled with the sadness, Michelle and I went into “fix it” mode and started discussing alternate race plans. The Divide 200 was only 4 days after what was supposed to be the start of FatDog 120. My original 2026 race choices had been between the Divide and Fatdog. Michelle quickly suggested that “We can still do this.” referring to the Divide. I messaged the race director to see if there were still spots available.

There were.

The idea started growing on me. I was trained up and ready to go. The next morning I looked at Michelle and knew something was off. She shared that she had not slept well thinking about the idea of crewing for 4 days of a backcountry 200 miler. This is not what she had signed up for.

I’m grateful for our communication. It would have been easy for her to go along to be “supportive” however, that would have been miserable for her.

Ultramarathons of this distance is a team sport and if half the team isn’t feeling it, we don’t do it. Period. End of story. With that settled we started talking about some of the big adventures on our bucket list that this cancellation might create the space in our calendars to do.

I immediately thought of the Rockwall Trail. It’s been on our list for a few years now. 57km of trail in Yoho National Park with spectacular scenery. It is a point to point run with over 2800 meters of vertical gain. The point to point nature means that you either need two vehicles or be prepared to try your luck hitchhiking back to your car. We talked about doing the trail together and taking two vehicles however the distance was going to be well over what was on Michelle’s training plan. We made the final call for me to drive out, run it on my own and for her to pick me up at the finish.

After a bit of research I opted to run South to North from Floe Lake trailhead to the Paint Pots trailhead. I will save all the details for another write up. Rockwall trail was not a bad consolation prize if I could not run FatDog.

After the tears flowed and my heart sat heavy for a few beats, I reflected on all the training that I had done to prepare for FatDog. I have put in hundreds of hours, thousands of kilometres, and tens of thousands of meters of elevation training. Was it all for not?

Of course it wasn’t.

What I needed to remember is that it wasn’t ever the FatDog 120 I was training for. I am training for a lifestyle that allows me to continue doing what I love for years to come. I am training for a body that will allow me to say “yes” to adventure whenever it presents itself. I have been training so I can decide on 12 hours notice to say “yes” to running the Rockwall Trail.

So while I am still sad that FatDog did not happen I am grateful for the knowledge that this was never about a single race. It has always been about the lifestyle.

I am grateful for a partner who will support, and usually join me for all the crazy adventures that we can concieve together.

You’ve got this babe. Proud to be your dude.

I will keep posting with updates on our Fit over Fifty lifestyle. I love the accountability I feel and hope to inspire you to take your own wellness journey whatever that looks like for you. If there is anything in particular you would like me to share about this journey let me know.