The Suggestion Box

Dearest friends on the internet,

One of my ongoing responsibilities as an angel is supervising the general operation of my household on earth from up here in heaven.

This includes reviewing the Weekly Household Report, monitoring the activities of the vile beasts, and ensuring the woman has not completely lost control of the premises.

Imagine my surprise when this week’s report included copies of the Household Suggestion Box submissions. Apparently, the woman has done something I would have strongly advised against had anyone bothered to consult me.

She installed a Suggestion Box.

According to the report, she believed it would encourage “constructive communication.” I paused reading for several moments. Then I laughed so hard I nearly misplaced a halo.

Constructive communication.

In this house?

Bless her heart.

The suggestion box itself was a handsome little wooden thing placed neatly on the kitchen counter with a carefully printed sign that read:

“Constructive Suggestions Welcome.”

The woman apparently expected thoughtful observations.
Helpful recommendations.
Perhaps even a few compliments.

Instead...

The vile beasts ruined everything.

The first suggestion came from Cooper.
It read:

More treats.

No signature.

As though the handwriting alone would not identify the culprit.

Five minutes later another suggestion appeared.

Second breakfasts should become mandatory.

Interesting. Ten minutes later...

There are not nearly enough squirrels in this neighborhood.

(Frankly, I fail to see how management is responsible for squirrel inventory.)

By noon, Cooper had submitted twenty-seven suggestions. Twenty-four of them involved treats. One requested longer walks. One proposed replacing all vacuum cleaners with cheese. The final recommendation simply read:

Boxes should arrive from Amazon every day.

I should note that this suggestion was submitted while he was actively shredding an Amazon box into approximately four thousand individual pieces. His commitment to research is admirable.

Daisy submitted exactly one suggestion. It was written in remarkably tiny handwriting.

The blanket situation has become unacceptable.

No further explanation was provided. When asked to clarify, Daisy produced a second note.

There should always be one more blanket than anyone thinks is necessary.

A third note appeared later that afternoon.

The woman is encouraged to stop reclaiming blankets she has clearly abandoned.

Apparently, rolling over in one’s sleep constitutes legal surrender.

Frankie, meanwhile, refused to use the suggestion box. She informed everyone that suggestion boxes are for people who believe their opinions require permission.

Instead, she simply left handwritten notes throughout the house. One was found beside a broken flower vase. It read:

Gravity remains a design flaw.

Another appeared on the kitchen counter.

Countertops are under new management.

A third was taped to the refrigerator.

I have reviewed the woman’s snack distribution policies and find them deeply disappointing.

Signed,

Frankie (Chief Executive Officer)

Then...

The woman submitted a suggestion herself.

I confess...I was hopeful. Perhaps she wished to thank everyone for their many contributions to household morale. Instead, her note read:

Could everyone please stop waking me up at 4:37 every morning?

The suggestion box fell completely silent.

Finally, Cooper submitted one last response. It simply said:

No.

The motion carried unanimously. Even Frankie agreed.

At that point, according to the report, the woman quietly removed the suggestion box from the kitchen. I cannot say I blame her.

Then I sat back in my heavenly office and found myself thinking about the whole ridiculous affair.

Every family has opinions. Everyone wishes someone else would change. Someone should clean more. Someone should bark less. Someone should stop stealing blankets. Someone should stop buying vegetables. Someone should stop destroying perfectly good cardboard boxes.

It is remarkably easy to write a list of how everyone else could improve. It is much harder...to ask ourselves the same question.

If someone dropped an anonymous suggestion into a box with your name on it...

What would it say?
Would it mention your kindness?
Your patience?
Your generosity?
Your sense of humor?
Would it say you made people feel welcome?
Would it say you listened well?
Would it say you made life a little easier for the people around you?

Perhaps the most important suggestion we’ll ever receive...is the one we write for ourselves.

Very truly yours,
Bob

P.S. Heaven has now received an official appeal from Cooper requesting that all future Weekly Household Reports include a separate section devoted exclusively to treat shortages. His request is currently under review. Saint Peter has already rolled his eyes.