Be Sure Not to Default to This

In response to a social media quote I posted regarding a preference for collaboration (where both parties gain) rather than compromise (where both parties give up something), a reader wrote (edited):

Yes, we’ve always been taught that compromise is the best way to move forward, but really, it isn’t the ideal outcome. Why is it, then, that we always seem to default to compromise when collaboration is a much better option?

My response:

I love your question. Thank you! Most likely the reason that we as humans “default” (well-stated – that’s exactly what it is, a default setting) to compromise is because that’s what we are taught from the time we are young, and we’ve unconsciously accepted that premise as part of our overall belief system.

This is why, when a situation arises where we are about to unconsciously default to compromising, we need to “make the unconscious, conscious,” check our premises, and ask if that is truly the best way to go.

Of course, at times compromise is indeed the best option, but not usually. Better when both parties attain more of what they want, which is much more likely to occur via collaboration.

Thus...

Key Point: By staying conscious and asking ourselves the right questions, we are now in a position to provide ourselves another option…that of collaboration and a mutually beneficial outcome where everyone comes away better off than they were before.

By the way, there’s another reason for the “compromise default” and that is…

Important: It takes clear and creative thinking to come up with win-win, collaborative solutions. Often it seems *easier* (at least in the short run) to simply compromise, even if the results aren’t truly what you and the other person want.

Either option is a choice. And that choice is always up to you in terms of what direction you want to go.

Today’s Exercise: Begin to develop your mindset of collaboration over compromise (while knowing that compromise can also be a legitimate fallback alternative when appropriate).

Think of examples in the past where you could have found a creative win-win solution had you been aware of that option. Doing this will help you when these future situations arise...which they most certainly will. A true win-win!