June 30. 2026 is half gone.

What have we learned?

We live in interesting times. The Zeitgeist, or ‘the masses’ if you prefer, are loudly making decisions about the differences between true and false, right and wrong, art and crap.

And speaking of crap the, first half of 2026 has brought major change to the aesthetics of cinema.

The Monoculture’s changing relationship with feces

Not too long ago, putting excrement in a Hollywood film was verboten.

In 2003, I was part of a studio test audience.1 One of the movies I test-watched was a documentary that featured footage of projectile diarrhea.

It ruined my day.

It ruined the whole test audience’s day.

I am forever thankful to the one tester who raised his hand at the feedback session and diplomatically said “You have to cut the defecation. The world’s not ready for that shit.”

But the world is ready for it now and has been for some time. It isn’t because society finds excrement any less disgusting, it’s because they finally understand it’s inevitability.

Society is aging. The old greatly outnumber the young. Everyone is busy changing diapers, either their children’s, their parent’s or their own. And we can see this in the movies.

In Hailey Gate’s romcom, Atropia, Alia Shawkat falls in love with a hunky US marine played by Callum Turner. His main flaw is only being able to have sex in waterless latrines because he needs the odor to be aroused. But instead of this being a punchline or a reason to seek love elsewhere, it becomes the challenge that Shawkat’s character must rise to. She does, and the film concludes with love conquering all in a stand up porta-potty.

On the other end of the romantic spectrum, Curry Barker’s Obsession emphasised the horror of predatory love with Inde Navarrette standing motionless for hours awaiting her lover’s return. She refuses to move, not even as her excrement begins to pile up between her feet. Horrifying as it is, that scene is almost forgettable compared to the blood curdling poetry Navarrette recites over Jenga or the lunch she eventually packs for her lover. Obsession is a film that has the bravery to show the visceral terror of fecal matter but also the intelligence to know it’s not as frightening as it used to be.

Sigh. You know where there is none of that intelligence? In Jackass: Best & Last. Oh how foolish Johnny Knoxville, Steve-O and their ilk seem as they repeatedly beg for laughs via fecal immersion. Who do these jackasses think they’re amusing? The society that once found poo more taboo than death is gone.

But you know what isn’t gone, “best of” movie lists. It’s no longer sufficient for these to come out once per year, now they must come out in the middle of the year as well.

I do not have the power to resist this.

B-Movie Tea presents: The Best five films from the first half of 2026

* I hereby reserve the right to not have any of these movies on my year-end list and also the right to move them to the worst-of list should any sour upon me.

5. Agatha’s Almanac

   

   I’m going to start with a film about a 90-year old woman who lives by herself.

   No, she’s not a Robert Eggers-sort of 90-year old woman.

   Agatha’s Almanac is a documentary where we get to watch the impressively resilient Agatha Bock explain how she maintains a 50 acre farm on her own. She also shares some of her pesticide-free tricks for growing and maintaining crops substantial enough to sustain her through rural Manitoba winters.

   Agatha also talks a lot about her love life or lack thereof, something she takes great pride in. Despite being a traditional Mennonite, Agatha never married. She frequently refers to three previous ‘boyfriends’ all of whom dated her very briefly2 The final one was a man that took her out to dinner a few times and then requested to start taking her out for breakfast instead, as a cost saving measure.

   “He eventually got married, but not to me.” says Agatha with great relief. Since then Agatha has been exactly who and exactly where she wants to be, doing what she loves. Amalie Atkin’s documentary about Agatha is deeply impressive and humbling. I say that as the citiest city slicker who ever slicked.

4. Project Hail Mary

   My token blockbuster pick is a sci-fi movie I didn’t want to see because of the terrible trailers that made it look like a massively dumbed down version of Danny Boyle’s Sunshine. The lousy title, “Project Hail Mary” didn’t help either3

   I only wound up seeing PHM because lots of people told me I should and lucky for me, they were right. Ryan Gosling is good in this movie, as is Sandra Hüller, the only other actor with significant screen time. But the star of Project Hail Mary is “Rocky” the silicate-based alien life form who helps Ryan Gosling save the world4.

   Rocky has no face and looks like an ambulatory Pi symbol. Getting an audience to accept Rocky as a character, let alone getting them to be concerned for his5 welfare is no easy task, but puppeteer and voice actor James Ortiz accomplished it. There are rumors he might actually get a best supporting actor nomination for PHM, I hope he does. And I hope Drew Goddard gets a Best Adapted screenplay nomination for this non-linear sci-fi story that never gets dull, confusing or predictable. Even the most cynical viewers6 will be surprised a few times. And moved also. I cried a bit.

   Oddly, whenever I try to explain how good this movie is, people usually furrow their brows and say “It’s not like 2001, is it?”

   And I have to be all “No! I love 2001: A Space Odyssey, but Project Hail Mary is not 2001: A Space Odyssey! Project Hail Mary is completely different! It’s E.T. for grown ups. Your kids will like it too, though. Just see it! “

   3. Kontinental’25

   

   Why this movie? Because we all need more Adonis Tanța is our lives. The lanky, Mephistophelean star of Romanian musical-theatre was easily the best part of 2025’s (Radu Jude’s) Dracula where he actually played Radu Jude, the one character able to upstage the titular vampire.

   Tanța returns in Radu Jude’s Kontinental’25 where he plays the much less Puckish role of Fred, a grad student living in reduced circumstances.

   Fred’s thesis on contemporary applications of Buddhism made him a star in Romanian academic circles, but left him ill-prepared for post-school life. The only job he can hold down is bicycle food delivery.

   When Fred bumps into his former professor, Orsolya (Eszter Tompa) she is visibly disappointed in him, but shame is a luxury Fred abandoned some time ago. When Orsolya asks if Fred’s worried about being hit by a car, he proudly explains how he uses racism for road safety. He has a blinking sign on the back of his food bag reading “Please don’t run me down. I’m not a foreigner.”

   Orsolya reacts the same way you probably would, but doesn’t leave. She is seeking moral absolution from her role in the death of a homeless man and thinks Fred might be the ideal person to help.

   He isn’t, but he does help Orsolya with something major I won’t get into here.

   Kontinental’25 is easily the best satire of 2026. Fuck “The Drama”.

   2. Leviticus

   Like Project Hail Mary, the trailers for Leviticus had me doubting.

   Trailers that mainly display text from positive reviews usually indicate a bad film that got good reviews for some reason.

   But unlike PHM, Leviticus was a horror movie and had a great title, so nobody had to convince me to go see it on opening weekend.

   And I wound up seriously freaked out, as I do whenever I underestimate a really good horror movie.

   Right from the beginning of Leviticus, the sound design7 is incredible. Jed Kurzel’s score flows seamlessly from romance to horror making you really, really uneasy even as you’re also going “Awww, they’re a cute couple!”

   What takes a little longer to notice is just how good Joe Bird and Stacy Clausen are as the very unfortunate couple in question. They are indeed, quite cute as they fall in love without really realizing it, but it’s when they play they’re own homicidal doppelgangers that you see what extraordinary actors they truly are. The scene at the window screen is destined to be the cause of nightmares for many years to come.

1. I love Boosters

   

   Easily the best film of the year so far, no contest. But how do you even describe it? It’s like Keke Palmer and Demi Moore fighting a WWE match with Don Cheadle as the referee and then the cenobites from Hellraiser show up. There’s also Poppy Liu as a revolutionary who teleports and LaKeith Stanfield as an homme fatal. Go see it or you’re dead inside.

   What do you think are the best movies of 2026? I’d love to know

   The Tea: Agatha would encourage you to have a relaxing strawberry or saskatoon berry herbal tea. Alternately, have a flat white while imagining yourself as a hapless barista trying to pass a hot beverage to Demi Moore on her perilous, vertiginous, sloping office floor.

2. The Snack: Agatha swears by four almonds and a piece of chocolate. If you prefer something fancier, celebrate friendship between humanity and silicate life with Rocky cookies.