A parody blog, based on actual events.
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“Ahhhhhhhh, I wish I could stay like this forever.” “Hm?” “You know, relaxing on beach chairs in the shaded Sun and a gentle breeze, watching the water gently lapping at the shoreline, cool lemonade in hand, listening to the gulls and crows and what-not.” “Crows? On the beach?... Oh yeah, they’re here too, imagine that.” “As I was saying: everything right now is Perfection with a capital ‘P’, and…
(On a beach at sunrise, Student 1 carries a beach towel and trots quickly over to a small group by the shoreline, where Teacher is facing away from the water and the other Students are facing toward the water; all are seated crossed-legged on beach towels, eyes closed and hands facing up on top of knees) Student 1: (Waving to Teacher while tripping over the shifting sands) Hi! Sorry – hi! Sorry…
(In an office) Manager: (Pausing while passing by with a glass of water) What’re you smiling so inanely about? Vacationer: (Smiling inanely at the computer while slowly typing one key every few seconds) Oh, just thinking that 24 hours from now, I’ll be on the beach, totally relaxed, not a care in the world, that sort of thing. Manager: Yeah, that’s great – you still have the quarterly budget…
(Friend 1 and Friend 2 sit in beach chairs facing a lake in a park and read beach-read books) Friend 1: (Lowers the book to watch a duck land in the water and start taking a bath; to Friend 2) When is Midsummer anyway? Friend 2: (Without looking up from reading) Northern Hemisphere or Southern? Friend 1: Ha-ha. (After a few moments of silence) Northern. Friend 2: (Sets aside the book and takes out…
(In a waterpark supermarket) Dreamer: (Addressing a crowd of teddy bears as unseen chaos reigns in the flooded aisles around them) All right, soldier:, the campaign is fierce and the enemy is relentless, but with cunning, strategy, and plain old-fashioned lucky breaks, we will prevail. (Points to a teddy bear in the front) You, Lieutenant! Lieutenant: (Is now a tree) Yes, Cap’n? Dreamer: …I forgot…
(Originally written as a one-act play in 2021) 1776 Normal 0 false false false false EN-US X-NONE X-NONE (In a farmhouse, there is a living area with a large table to the right side and three wooden chairs, two on the right and one on the left; one door at the left that leads outside and one door at the right that leads to the kitchen. William is pacing the room, and then abruptly opens the…
“You know what I realized that’s getting me a little down?” “No, what’s that?” “I waited so long for summer this year.” “Yeah?” “I mean, this past winter, swe actually had blizzards and everything for once, and it was so, so cold for so long.” “Yeah?” “And it was night for two-thirds of the day for six months.” “Yeah?” “And I slept for more hours than I went outside for nine months.” “Yeah?” “And…
WEDNESDAY “Hi kiddo, what’s up?” “Hey Dad, just calling to ask what can I give for Father’s Day this Sunday?” “Oh, gee, thanks, but Father’s Day’s actually the following Sunday.” “…Dangit!” <CLICK> “Hello?... This kid, I’m telling you….” THE FOLLOWING WEDNESDAY “Hi kiddo, what’s up?” “OK, for real this time: what can I give you for Father’s Day this Sunday?” “Heh-heh, right, yeah – you don’t have…
FRIDAY EVENING (In a living room, Sibling 2 is following along with an online workout video playing on a laptop propped up on the couch) Trainer: (In time with swinging a giant kettlebell) All right! – You got this! – Just one! – More minute! Sibling 2: (Swinging a much smaller kettlebell) I thought – you said that – five minutes – ago – (One minute later, a timer on the video “DING!”s and Trainer…
Normal 0 false false false false EN-US X-NONE X-NONE (On a small beach, Friend 1 and Friend 2 sit on beach chairs under an umbrella, facing a bay that eventually goes into an ocean) Friend 1: (Gestures at the nearly empty beach around them) See? All the benefits of “The Beach”, with none of the hassle. None of the crowds, none of the traffic, none of the fees. Friend 2: (After a few moments…