You Don't Have To Clean Up First

Happy Friday Friends,

I hope your week held more mercies than messes, but if not, grab that cup of coffee (or glass of wine if it’s evening) and settle in for our weekly chat.

Do you ever feel the need to clean up before you come to God? Or do you ever stop yourself from praying because you are ashamed of the way you have acted?

I used to feel the same way. I would snap at my kids and feel the need to make it right before I brought it to God. I would stop myself from asking Him for healing or mercy because I was ashamed at how I handled a situation.

Just like I felt the need to tidy my house before I invited a friend in, I felt the need to tidy my heart before inviting God in.

It was exhausting.

But then I spent a whole year in David’s head while reading the Psalms. Over and over again, I watched as he brought every ounce of his heart to God… and many times it was when his heart was full of shame, doubt, sadness, and anger.

And do you know what I saw as he allowed his shadowed heart to be seen in God’s light? I saw him be transformed again and again by the God who knew him and loved him.

And that is where we are landing today, because I believe that right in the middle of the mess that is motherhood, we can be transformed by that same God.

Lead Me On by Chandler Moore

I’m not perfect

I don’t always get it right

But I’d rather walk by faith

And not by my foolish sight

So lead me on

Lead me on

This feels like the perfect prayer to pull out when we are having one of those moments I just talked about. We are not, nor will we ever be, perfect spouses, perfect friends, or perfect mothers.

And, hate to break it to you, but we can’t hide that from God.

What we can do is admit our failures before him, keep our faith steady in him, and ask for his guidance in how to move forward.

The enemy wants us to stay in that place of shame and fear. He doesn’t want us to believe the truth that nothing can separate us from our Father.

But each time we return to Him, with our humbled and messy hearts in our hands, God can and will restore us.

David is described as a man after God’s own heart. Throughout the Psalms, he comes to God from every setting imaginable. He comes to Him singing and dancing as well as mourning and depressed. He comes to Him from within palace walls as well as hiding in damp, dark caves. He comes to Him in victory after battles as well as in complete failures as a follower of God.

The common thread throughout it all? He continues to come and to trust God to use every misstep as well as every success in shaping him to be the man God knew he could be.

And I think that’s exactly what we see him doing in Psalm 16:7-8 (CSB):

He doesn’t say he felt God beside him and then decided to pray. He says he let the Lord guide him. It’s a choice, and it’s deliberate and active. He’s not cleaning up the mess before he comes; he’s letting God guide him through even the messiest moments.

And then there’s this line: even at night when my thoughts trouble me. I think that’s a sentiment every mom can feel to her core. It’s the replaying, the mom guilt at 11 pm, the “why can’t I get it together” spiral you’re having instead of sleeping.

David brings it to God right in that moment, not when he felt better, not when he was able to apologize to those he hurt, not when the sun came up.

He comes to God in the dark, in the mess, and lets God lead him out.

And here’s the kicker: on top of all of that, he praises God for His counsel. He’s not scared of where God might lead him. Instead, he lets God’s presence steady him.

How often do we actually do this? How often do we truly bring God into the storms of our own making… the ones that are the result of our own sinful nature?

We have a God who sent His Son to die for us, and we're letting the enemy convince us He doesn't want to hear from us when we're a mess.

Let’s not be moms who hide from God in shame. Let’s be moms who come directly to Him, blessing Him for His counsel and trusting Him to lead us through.

There have been so many moments in motherhood that have made me want to hide from God instead of coming before Him.

When I lose my cool after one of my boys has been disrespectful, or raise my voice over a spilled drink, I find myself feeling the need to clean it up before I bring it to Him.

The funny thing is, these are the moments I need Him the most — and instead I push Him away. I have this notion that I need to do it on my own, make myself presentable for Him to love me. But this is the opposite of what God offers us.

He offers us grace upon grace. We just have to step into it.

I think of it this way: my boys constantly come to me messy, both figuratively and literally. They are still learning how to behave and interact in this world, which means, as their mom, I have to be the one to correct things like disobedience and disrespect. But when they come to me dirty, in any respect, I don’t tell them to go clean up, and then I’ll love them.

I pull them into my lap, no matter how sweaty or dirty they are, and try to lead them through whatever they are feeling.

That instinct we have toward our children? That is a fraction of what God has toward us.

Walking through life with God is such a privilege, and one of the most beautiful things about it isn’t that He tolerates your mess — it’s that He wants to be right there in it with you.

And every time I extend that grace toward my boys, I am giving them — and myself — a glimpse of the Father’s love.

Summer in our house doesn’t look like the highlight reel. It looks like schedules that change every week, vacations with loads of laundry, later bedtimes that make everyone a little feral, and the absence of the sports rhythms that honestly keep us all sane.

We are a family that runs better on structure, and Summer is not that.

Which means Summer is basically a live training ground for everything we just talked about. More mess, more grace needed, and more moments of reaching for God’s hand because I just raised my voice about something ridiculous before 9 am.

And I’m learning to be okay with that. Summer doesn’t need to be managed perfectly. It just needs to be walked through… preferably with God’s hand in mine and a little more patience than I had yesterday.

So I am looking at it through David’s lens this season. Looking for little ways to praise Him, ways to let Him lead me, and ways to model His grace for my own boys.

What a blessing it is to have You counsel and guide us in our muddiest moments.

You know the tangle of thoughts we carry surrounding our own mess. We want to untangle that knot with You by our side and Your voice guiding our fingers.

When motherhood puts a spotlight on our most tender and embarrassing moments, remind us that Your love will cover it all. We just have to be willing to bring it to You.

Thank you for being such a merciful and gracious Father, and for the gift of walking through this life with You.

Amen.

Until next week, Blair