I Realized I Was Living Half Here, Half There — And That's Not What I Want

Every single time I witness one of these moments, my stomach ties up in a knot.

The 3-year-old at the playground, shouting for mommy to watch her go down the big slide. And the mom is so preoccupied by her phone that she misses it.

The wife sitting across from her husband at a beautiful restaurant trying to connect, share something, enjoy their time together. Him scrolling, rarely meeting her eyes.

The family members gathered on the couch after a big meal, the moment full of possibility. Yet, not one of them notices, too absorbed in their favorite apps.

The teen walking around Target with her mom, eyes glued to her screen, finger flicking through TikTok videos. Missing the moment and the errand completely.

Each one makes me ache not because I believe that we need to be perfectly present at all times. I’ve absolutely been the distracted parent, partner, friend, or shopper myself — and sometimes, I still am.

What gives me pause is how common these moments have become — and we rarely stop to consider how they add up over time.

We’ve grown accustomed to living half here, half somewhere else. Physically in the kitchen, but mentally at someone’s wedding in Europe. Next to our child, but also learning about glass skin. Stopped at a red light and casually stalking an ex. And it’s happening dozens of times a day.

We’re not thinking, “Whoops, I should probably be more careful with my attention.” We’re thinking, “I wonder what’s happening on Instagram today.”

One tap turns into another, and before we know it, we’ve totally checked out of real life. The crazy part is that none of us saw this coming. When the iPhone first rolled out, we had no idea it would eventually contain nearly every aspect of our lives.

Calendars. Text messages. Emails. School communications. Grocery orders. Doctor’s appointments. Google Maps. Cameras. Community groups. Workouts. Entertainment. Business operations. Client communications. Etc.

For those of us who grew up in the ‘80s and ‘90s, it’s pretty wild when you really take a sec to think about it. Back then, we only had single-purpose devices: the camera, the TV, the desktop computer, etc. Now everything lives in a single screen we carry with us everywhere — making it difficult to put down.

But if attention shapes our experience of life — and I believe it does — shouldn’t we be more intentional about where we’re directing it? And shouldn’t we be asking ourselves:

Am I being thoughtful about what I’m paying attention to? And does where I’m directing my attention align with how I actually want to live?

To be honest with you, this wasn’t something I asked myself for a very long time.

For the better part of a decade, I didn’t think twice about how often I was scrolling. I didn’t wonder why I reached for my phone whenever I had an open moment. And I didn’t consider what all of that fragmented attention might be doing to my mental health, relationships, creativity, mood, and more.

It felt normal. And my work depended on it.

But when I look back, I can see that I had very few boundaries in place and that was a problem. I would often find myself popping open Instagram while eating scrambled eggs or catching quick glimpses while feeding the kids. I would intend to read a book before bed but get sucked into someone’s cancer journey (don’t recommend!). Or plan to do a workout and get lost in a reel rabbit hole instead.

I was so tired.

Tired of showing up. Tired of posting. Tired of performing. Tired of competing for eyeballs. Tired of being emotionally tossed from issue to issue. Tired of being constantly reminded of everyone else’s lives and all the things I didn’t have yet. Tired of carrying around a low-grade anxiety that followed me long after I closed the app.

And because I put my business on pause at the start of 2025, I found myself faced with an opportunity to just stop. So I did.

That decision changed my life. Not only because it lifted a giant weight off my shoulders, but because it created enough space for me to see something important: I had been living my life half here, half there.

And that was a tough pill to swallow.

You better believe I don’t want to be held captive by a rectangular screen. I want to live captivated by my actual life. The one I’m living right now — with all its messiness and imperfection.

This awakening process started in July of 2025 with my last Instagram post. And then, grew into something more serious when I decided to delete apps from my phone — Instagram, Substack, and Pinterest. Madewell, J.Crew, Shopbop, and The Gap. Anything I mindlessly tapped when I was idle.

Yes, there was fear and resistance. A huge part of me loved the perks and fun of having them on my phone. But underneath, I could feel the deeper desire to become a more present person. To stop being the woman who looked at her phone too much, and start being the one who relished the expressions of her children, took in the sleepy look on her husband’s face first thing in the morning, noticed the details of her surroundings everywhere she went.

So, I chose it.

It wasn’t easy at first. Suddenly being without easy distractions meant I had more space, and I didn’t know what to do with it. When an open moment arrived, I impulsively grabbed my phone — muscle memory kicking in. But without anything shiny to look at, I had to just sit with the desire to be stimulated. Not fun.

Thankfully, it didn’t take long for that to soften. Within a few weeks, the automatic urge to reach and scroll completely disappeared. At the red light, I looked at the other cars and drivers. Waiting at the checkout line, I flipped through a magazine. Eating lunch, I focused on my salad and the birds out the window.

This was particularly uncomfortable in the most ordinary moments — namely in the pickup line at school. I wanted to crawl out of my skin some days and took to scrolling email, clicking on the weather app, looking for something novel somewhere.

But the more I relaxed into where I was, the more open I became to what was actually there. Which eventually sparked an idea — What if I turned this boring moment into something useful? What if I wrote down 5 things I notice instead of wishing it away?

And poof — my presence practice was born.

Entry #1: A long line of neon flags flapping with the wind and a bright blue awning pointing toward the sky. Evergreen trees, tall and huddled together, their pine needle branches bouncing. Jack breathing deeply as he naps in the backseat. Black, gray and white cards line the curb waiting for their little ones to open the door. Violet’s keychains rattling as she runs to the car.

What’s funny is that the car pickup line turned into the place where my creativity came alive again. It inspired my piece about boredom, and it was where I brainstormed how to help other people create space in their lives too. In fact, the name “Life Unlooped” popped into my head right as I turned into the school parking lot one afternoon. And it defined the group experiment I now lead once a season for paid subscribers (more on that below!).

It felt almost miraculous to watch these ideas arrive so effortlessly.

As I’ve shared in other essays, being tightly wound isn’t new to me. In the last 6 years, I felt particularly irritable and reactive and easily overstimulated. And honestly, I thought it was rooted in the juggle of running a business and raising little kids.

But this experiment helped me realize that hours of daily scrolling were playing a much bigger role than I realized. Without the constant presence of other people’s vacations, skin care routines, success stories, political commentary, and scary videos, I could breathe. And gradually, the unsettled urgent feeling I used to carry around with me disappeared.

With the click of a few delete buttons, I had effectively reclaimed my peace. And that peace trickled into everything. I took better care of my body. I became more patient with my kids and kinder to my husband. And I stopped feeling the need to reach a perfect version of myself. Instead, I got curious about what I wanted to do with my life. And with patience and time, the answers starting coming.

Pointing my attention toward my life instead of away from it was the medicine I needed.

Fully present to our kids when they say, “Mommy, watch!”
Looking into the eyes of our partner across the dinner table.
Engaging with the family members we only see once a year.
Experiencing ordinary moments even if they’re boring.

But whether we like it or not, paying attention to these things requires intention.

We have to interrupt the automatic habit of reaching for our phones and learn to stay with the moment. And in my experience, one of the first steps is to make your device less tempting. That’s it. You don’t have to throw it in the trash, move to a farm without Wi-Fi, or never scroll on Instagram again. You just have to create enough space to get back to your natural human baseline.

That’s why I created Life Unlooped — a 45-day experiment designed to help you spend less time distracted by your device and more time engaged in your actual life.

It’s a container that gives you a framework to reclaim your attention. Together, we’ll gently reduce digital distractions and replace them with small practices that help you reconnect with yourself, your loved ones, your creativity, and the season you’re in.

To be clear, this isn’t a digital detox. It’s not about perfection, restriction, or deleting every app on your phone. It’s about becoming more intentional with your attention so that you can direct more of it toward the people, experiences, and pursuits that matter to you most.

Over 45 days, you’ll receive:

• Weekly prompts and reflections that help you be more present and attuned to both your life and the season

• Simple practices to help you spend less time scrolling and more time noticing

• Live community calls where we can share what’s working, what’s challenging, and what we’re discovering

My hope is that by the end of the experience, you’ll feel what I feel: more peace, more creativity, more clarity, and a greater sense of where you want to point your attention.

We start on Monday, July 13th. And I’d love for you to join us. Just become a paid subscriber and you’re in — plus, you’ll receive the other perks that come along with it.

Here’s to creating enough space to live life more here than there.

Big hug,

If this piece spoke to you, tap the heart or comment below. Knowing whether or not this resonated seriously makes my day. And if someone in your life might need this reminder too, feel free to share it with them. Thank you for reading — I’m so grateful you’re here.

If you’re feeling the pull create more space in your life, the lowest hanging fruit is spending less time on your phone. Life Unlooped is a 45-day experiment to help you become less attached to your device — one small choice at a time. If that sounds like something you want to explore alongside others, join us by becoming a paid subscriber. We start the summer session in July!