The Art of Embarrassing Yourself.

Embarrassment is a luxury we haven’t indulged in enough. In fact, not everyone is priviledged enough to experience embarrassment.

Some people are too busy surviving or providing for their family to worry about their reputation or how they’re perceived. Some are too comfortable in their lives that they forget the humiliation of failing publicly.

But there is an art to embarrassing yourself, and beauty in it if you know where to look.

One of my favorite qualities in myself is that I can always laugh off the times in which I embarrass myself (which is very, very frequently). Embarrassment has become somewhat of a constant in my life, to the point where I feel immune to actually feeling it when I’m in a situation that would be socially deemed humbling. It took years of exposure to learn to be apathetic. And even longer to learn that apathy, paired with inaction, is useless. But I attribute so much of my growth to embarrassment.

Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t a sign to randomly burst into song in public or air out your secrets online. There should be a strategy for embarrassment.

An art, if you will.

The first step of this delicate process is to make a list. Write out any goals you have, as well as anything you’d like to improve at. For example, you could have a certain career or financial goal, or could want to improve at connecting with new people. This list will help you identify what situations you need to take risks in, and where to strategically set yourself up for potential embarrassment.

Now, you have to ask. Repeatedly. That’s the embarrassing part.

I mentioned recently in a video that every internship, job, or opportunity I’ve gotten has not been through an application; it’s been because I was audacious enough to persistently ask. But when people hear that, they assume that means that asking one individual is all it takes. In reality, I have lost track of the amount of people I’ve reached out to.

Many won’t respond, but the few responses that return can be life changing. You just need to have thick skin for potential rejection. Cold emails have become my best friend, and it’s paid off tremendously. Yes, it’s often terrifying or humiliating, but closed mouths don’t get fed.

There is so much in the world to learn, and not everything can be taught through the internet. The most valuable resource you have isn’t ChatGPT, it’s your network. It’s your ability to ask about what makes you curious, and keep your mind open to hearing from different people. Many people are open to helping you, but they can only do so if they know what it is you want.

Recently, I’ve gotten into the habit of making phone calls. This is something I never would have done a few months ago. But now, I have no problem asking to set up a 15 minute chat to learn more about something I’m curious about. This has ranged from career, grad school, social media, apparel, Islam, and friendship.

Not only has it helped me connect with people who can guide me in different aspects of my life, but it’s allowed me to pay it forward and help others. I’ve gotten my friends and siblings internships, introduced friends to one another, and helped people start their own side projects. I’ve begun saying yes to trying new things, even if I barely have experience.

I ask the stupid questions at the expense of looking silly in meetings. There is nothing more adrenaline-inducing.

By staying open and curious about talking to new people and hearing about their lives, I’ve been able to be a part of so many different industries and groups. It’s scary sometimes, and it demands me to go out of my comfort zone, but it enriches life in a way that is beyond worth it.

Connecting with others becomes more effortless when you go into it knowing you may embarrass yourself. When the other person can sense you showing up without the pressure to be perfect or to say all the right things, they too can approach with comfort and a desire for connection beyond the superficial networking. Authenticity is refreshing in an age of professionalism.

In an age where everyone is so easily accessible, where an AI reads your resume, and where the internet replicates friendship, we’ve neglected our true capacity for connection and collective growth. It is only by reclaiming our curiosity and shedding the egos that tell us that asking for help is a weakness that we can discover more of the world through those around us. You have to be embarrassed, you have to feel it all. That’s the only way to grow.

It is only by embarrassing ourselves that we express how painfully human we are. Just as humans have been doing for centuries, our experiences move us forward and shape us as a community as well as individuals.

Action Items:

• Make a list of things you’ve been wanting to learn or do.

• Make a list of things that scare you (solo dates, complimenting strangers, etc).

• Identify people who are involved in the subjects you wrote on your list.

• Send a message or set up a call with these people.

• Do something embarrassing this week that will benefit you in the long run (going to the gym alone, applying to a job you’re underqualified for, etc).

• Try something that will make you put yourself out there publicly.

As always, I’m rooting for you!

Welcome new subscribers :) I have so many exciting topics to write about here, I’m focusing less on sounding academic/structured and more on just writing from the heart. Thanks for being here!